TW; Clinical Depression After Miscarriage

DISCLAIMER - I just want to start with a small disclaimer, this post mentions miscarriage, baby loss, bleeding, depression, mental health, self harm, suicide, intimate 'private' stuff and other related things. If any of these things make you uncomfortable or trigger you then you do not have to read any further. This post is going to be really really personal but I do not want to make you guys uncomfortable.

(This may also be quite a long post too - sorry.)

Tattoo by Jamie at Electric Rebel Tattoo 

On the 7th March 2017, I was told the devastating news I had lost my son Alfie. I have never been able to describe anything in my life as 'life-shattering' but this was it - this was the moment my life completely fell apart.

Lets go back a day, one whole day and my naivety sparing me from harsh reality, the 6th March 2017, I went to a private doctor to have some tests - I had been unwell for a few weeks and was unable to keep any food down, everything I ate I threw up. I was tired and fed up and wanted to know what was wrong with me - I knew something wasn't right as I felt different but did not what it was. My Doctor said he would get the tests done that day and should have results either the next day or the day after... went back to work and thought nothing of it, thought maybe I had a stomach bug or something. Well the next day came, my ex and me weren't going through a great time due to other issues anyway, but as soon as I got to work I was asked to go in and the sooner the better - I began to start worrying in honesty, I knew at this point something was wrong.

Well I sat down and all I really can remember after this was just crying and shaking and feeling like my body had betrayed me and my baby - I was suppose to keep him safe, protect him and I failed. I completely and absolutely failed. I went back to work because in honesty, I didn't know what else to do with myself - I was petrified about being left alone and my head was in all sorts of places.

With the issues my ex and me faced, I emailed him the news (I know not the best idea but he wasn't answering my calls and he was also at work etc). Anyway, we had a break planned that he would go away for a few days after the issues we had - but in honesty I wanted him around to deal with the grief with me - I never felt more alone then the way he made me feel during that time, this isn't an attack on him, as we had other issues but the one time I really needed him and the support - I was just completely abandoned. He also chose that week to break up with me. My body was in complete turmoil, I still couldn't eat anything without throwing up - but then the bleeding begun and it was a hundred times worse than a period. My back was excruciating, my stomach felt like someone was trying to ring it dry - and the blood felt never ending.

Well after a lot of things happened, the following Monday I went to the Doctors (I didn't go to work due to exceptional circumstances and I will touch on my work later in this post) I was signed off work due to stress and the words I didn't really want to hear my Doctor say.. Clinical Depression. I had previously had reactive depression as a teenager due to my upbringing with a disabled brother - but never as far as clinical depression. I was referred to my local hospital's mental health unit for a few days after this for coping mechanisms and counselling as I was in a considerably bad state. By this point, I had eaten or drunk anything for days, I had scratched my arms till they were red raw and I had a lot of bad thoughts running through my head. I hated myself, I didn't feel worthy to live anymore after the events of the last week had got too much.

After a week of a lot of medical assessments, new prescription anti-depressants and an emergency counselling service until I could go to a regular counsellor I attempted to go back to work. My ex came on the Friday to pick his things up from my parents house (we lived there together at the time) and that was hard enough. I couldn't understand the hatred he had towards me - it set those horrible little voices off in my head telling me I was worth absolutely nothing.

Fast-forward to the next Tuesday 14th March, and I hit my all time low that night. I hated who I was, everything that had happened to me - I felt totally utterly worthless. The comments from school came flooding back - the arguments with my now ex and everything else, but the main thing was losing my son.

I found some old prescription medication I had for when I broke my ribs - I overdosed. I tried to kill myself.

Everything else is really a blur - the following couple of weeks was spent recovering and getting myself back into a good (well good compared to what I had been) mind state. I spent a lot of time with doctors and mental health professionals. I hit my rock bottom - I never want to go back to that place. I had no support other than my close friends and my family - the one person who I thought would support me was nowhere in sight.

I turned to drink, and that settled the demons for a while until I sobered up and was back in reality - and then the overdose - that was the first time I felt at 'peace' with myself through all this real life horror movie. Waking up in hospital with paramedics, doctors and nurses panicking to keep you alive was a pretty frightening experience - and it hit me even more the pain I had put my family through - the sight my mum would never get out of her head was me laying in my room on the brink. And it made me feel even worse...

Fast forward to December - I got back with my ex during this period however I snapped and I broke up with him. (I will cover the breakdown from this at a later stage but I want to say a huge huge huge thank you to Sussex and Kent Police and the support they have given me and the insight they gave me into emotional and mental abuse - especially Sian my case worker and Abi from the National Domestic Abuse charity).

During this low period, I was off work for my breakdown, I spent most of my days in leggings a long sleeved white top and pink sports jacket. I then started to get 'spontaneous' I had odd moments where I just wanted to do something to myself - to change myself - I cut my fringe myself thinking that would be enough. It wasn't. 

I then phoned up my local tattoo parlour - they managed to fit me in as soon as possible - and that is when the amazing Jamie gave me my first tattoo. 

Funnily enough, when my ex and I were back together we designed a tattoo that we said we would get together - alas that never happened. However, this was it, this was what I needed.

The moment that needle hit my skin - the pain was a comfort - this was what I needed. This was the first time I really felt like I was dealing with the loss of my baby boy.

I followed this up with a further tattoo of the words "L'Amour Toujours" with a butterfly (you can view this over on my Instagram) - in a literal translation from French this means 'Love Always' or 'Love Forever' which I eternally will do. This is also the name of one of my favourite songs (you can listen to this here), the lyrics "I'll Fly with You" also resonate very well with everything else with little Alfie. 

This year was the first mothers day I actually had as a mum with an angel baby - I spoke to a couple of the ladies at a group for bereavement that I go to for support. And a few suggested making a memory box - taking an old shoe box wrapping it in paper and putting items in there that will help you with your loss. I had a few items already at home to put in this box, as well as letters I had written to my son (one letter is a copy of the letter I set off with a balloon on the day that marked 1 year since I lost him - again a massive thank you to Ollie and Mike for your help that day. Sports cars and helium balloons aren't a great match!)

Well this is my story so far... one year has passed and it hasn't got any easier, I've just learn't how to cope better. I will always grieve for you my son, and I will always be your mummy - no matter where you are.

Rest In Peace

Aflie Mason Diggory Schofield

Taken on the 7th March 2017.

Mummy will fly with you forever.

💕💕💕

Introducing The Dream Car...

As promised I would do a post about my beloved car. Since passing my test, cars and in particular my car has been a big part of my life. It has opened so many horizons and now I can just drive with no destination and play my music and have a lot of fun!

Anyway, let me introduce her... (apologies if this isn't your sort of post - this will be a post of technical information about the car and also a 'I love her so much do not offend her in any way' post!)

Annabelle - Audi TT S-Line TFSI 2L Sports Car

Photo Courtesy of Paul from Cherished Photos

Firstly, yes  I have named her! Also you can't beat a bit of alliteration - Annabelle the Audi, she gets nicknamed Belles when I want her to go quickly in sport mode...

Technical Information

My car has a Tip-Tronic Sports gear box  (S-Tronic Gearbox) which goes up to 6 gears in both standard Auto and Sports, for those who don't know what this is its a gearbox that is mainly automatic setup, however you can opt to override this and put the car into manual or sports mode. According to the users guide in the car, the car can go from 0-60mph in 5.8 seconds, however it is worth noting that companies like Audi do tend to post the 'slower' average of times in the speed test - whilst driving the car in (somewhat) test conditions from a launch, my good friend Ollie and myself managed to get this to 5.6 seconds on the stop-clock without trying too hard (I won't say how quickly we got his Cayman GTS to go though that he had on lease whilst in the country!).

The car runs on Petrol; I also have 19 inch wheels and diamond cut alloys on the car, these came as standard with the S-Line edition of the car.

I have a non-Quattro car - for some people this is controversial as Audi is so renowned for their Quattro cars - however having a front wheel drive car is fun! When the car is in Dynamic mode (I'll touch on drive select modes in a moment) she's very jumpy and always ready to jump off the lights as soon as they turn green.

Ownership

As I've previously mentioned, this car was a dream car and in all honesty it all started out as a joke. I was originally looking at Audi A1/S1's (again still sporty but not an actual sports car) as I thought this would be practical and the insurance wouldn't be so high.. well my friend Josie and I started looking online at my local dealer (big thanks to Tunbridge Wells Audi and Steve who sold me the car back in April 2017). As a joke, we thought we would start looking at the Finance calculators on an Audi TT MK2 ( I think it was a 2012 registered car) and it was actually affordable (including the insurance surprisingly). Well I booked a test drive with my dad and went to go and see the car, turned out it sold that morning, however the salesman told me to still come down as he had another newer car in stock within my price range.

Anyway, we made our way to the car dealership, walked in and then took us out to the car, and that car was Annabelle - a 2016 (66 registration) Audi MK3 TT Coupe. First impressions were, its amazing. It had a more aggressive look then her predecessors of the MK1 and MK2, and the MK3 is stylised from the R8 (hence the car's nickname of the Mini R8).

We took her on the test drive, thankfully just me and my dad as there is a height safety limitation for the rear 2 seats due to the slanted sports roof. We got to be really honest whilst driving the car and really see what we liked and didn't like - there wasn't much not to like. The car ticked all my boxes - the only thing my dad was concerned about was that the car is very quick and very torque'y (great terminology there I know 😂) - but otherwise he even agreed that the car was quite literally perfect. 

We got back to the dealer, ran over some of the figures and everything still matched up perfectly. I so desperately wanted to say yes... but I had to walk away and really asses if this was the right option. It took me a matter of the 30 minute journey home and being home for a further 30 minutes for me to pick the phone up and pay the deposit on the car! And still to this day it was the best decision I ever made!!

I've nearly owned her for a year on the 17 April 2018 and this car still never fails to put a whacking great big smile on my face, she's a car that is easy to drive on a commuter journey but also handles fantastically when having a bit of fun - the car is also completely standard (I haven't re-mapped her, thought about it but decided not to) and I can still get pops and bangs out of her exhaust in sports mode.

One of the few downsides is that she really really hates the cold - like really hates it. The car is a littler jerkier in the cold and when the ice comes well that's a whole different story. The windows completely freeze up and therefore getting into the car is difficult...

I absolutely love the interior setup of the car - its perfectly setup with the driver being the main focus. Everything in the virtual dash is in front of you - which is perfect for driving alone, your music, your dash warnings, your mileage and fuel consumption are all available in front of you with one easy click of a button.

In short, owning this car was a dream come true - and she still keeps making my dreams come true every day!

If you want to see more car posts (tbh my Instagram is just mainly my car nowdays...) then you can follow me on Instagram @emmavictoriaa95

Well here is my ride... sorry if this post wasn't for you - but you can always contact me about something you want me to discuss further - no idea is a bad idea!

Much Love

Here is to New Beginnings...

Well, it has been a long time since I posted on this blog. The last 2 years have been very different and have been amazing and horrible all at the same time.

The ups included passing my driving test and buying and owning my dream car (I now have a new dream car - keep setting goals to achieve!) - for those wondering about the car I will do a whole separate post about her soon, sneak peek over on my Instagram though!

The downs involved the miscarriage of my son, Alfie being the biggest of them all. Even now I'm not quite over this and in brutal honesty I don't think I ever will be. Being diagnosed with Clinical Depression was also a very hard thing to have to come to terms with. Again, I will be doing more in depth posts regarding the above as this is something I want to discuss in further detail. The breakdown of my relationship which I believed was 'my true love' also contributed to all the rubbish that has happened.

Despite the above, I'm still here and I'm still breathing each day and making it through each day.

I will aim to post once a week, I haven't decided what day yet as I need to try and work it round my work schedule but a pattern will soon form.

I hope you enjoy the new name and layout of the blog and I hope all those who followed my journey previously will continue on the ride.. and welcome to any new passengers!

The last thing I want to say is... this blog is a safe place for everyone. If you don't want to comment publicly then you can contact me directly to chat or via my Twitter or Instagram pages. But I want people to be able to confide in me and me to be there for them - because that is what has got me through the tough times is people being there and even just being an ear to listen.

Well over and out until my next post which will be within the next week.

I love you all and here is to the new start

*champagne flutes chink*

OOTW; Summer Lovin'

Sunday 30th May
Out in London on a Summery Warm Evening

What better way to bring myself back into outfit of the weeks posts then to do this simple smart but summery outfit!
So the last Bank Holiday in the UK until August was a couple of weeks ago and I was invited to go to a friends birthday do up in London, as we all know I can't say no to a glass of wine so me and my other friend went along! We had an awesome time.
My outfit was just a simple colour palette of black and white, nothing over the top but sophisticated.

Outfit Details

Black Midi Dress, New Look - £12.99

Size 18

White Jacket with Gold Zips, Peacocks - £25

Size 18

White T-Bar Sandals, Boohoo - £14

Silver Hoops, New Look - £5

Leopard Print Frame Sunglasses, Peacocks - £5

I can never say no to a matching manicure and pedicure - I opted for the No.7 nail polish topcoat of Disco Ball. I love how much glitter you get after two coatings. One of my absolute favourite glitter nail polishes I have ever owned!! (Also please excused my bruised foot - I had an extremely heavy power chair roll over and crush my foot - its still very tender and painful!)

I went with a simple make-up look, of just a tinted moisturiser, a white eyeshadow over my eye lids with a champagne eyeshadow in the crease and blended out. I used my Barry M Mascara and doubled up with my No.7 Mascara for extra volume and length. 

I threw my hair up into a ponytail and quiffed what used to be my fringe (which can't be a fringe anymore as my hair is down past my nose).

For my handbag I went with my current small little clutch bag from Peacocks. This is what I like to call my little Mary Poppins bag - I'm amazed at how much stuff I can get in this!!

And have a couple of images of my friends and me from that day/night!

Lots of Love

Emma V

xoxoxox

My Handbag Essentials

I thought I would do a post on what essentials I have in my handbag - I regularly get asked by friends and followers about what things I always have to have on me. So, it was about time I shared with you all what my handbag must-have's are!!

I thought I would use my current small little handbag as I only have what I really need in this bag (although it is a little bit like a Mary Poppins bag with how much stuff I can actually get in it!)

In the main section of my handbag I have;

- White purse from Peacocks, £5 - has all my cards change and receipts. 

- Pink YSL Bag (Details below!)
- Keys (with my cut key chains) attached is a USB stick & Tesco and Pets at Home Clubcards

- Hand Sanitizer in Strawberry Laces Flavour

- Polo's just in case I stay over someone's house and I don't have access to a toothbrush but don't want morning breath (morning breath is icky...)

- And of course, especially with me - you have to have sunglasses. These are from Peacocks which I bought for £5.

In my pink bag I have the other little essentials I need;

- Body spray - just in case as said before I stay at someone's house, I can freshen myself up and not feel yucky.

- Lip stick and lip pencil in a pale pink - always got to look beautiful!

- Nail file because well, if I don't take one its fate that I will break a nail

- Small tester of Black Opium - again to give me my sexy fragrance that the men can't deny!

- Pair of Panties - the just in case aspect again. I HATE having to put the same panties on the next day if I have an emergency stay over so I always take a pair with me - you never know when you might need them!!

In the zip compartment of my bag;

- 2 portable charges; one pink and one blue so I can tell which ones I've used and not have them the same colour and get mixed up.

- Of course, I have a iPhone charger kept in my bag. Don't want to hassle of moving over the same charger and means I won't screw myself up if I ever did forget the charger cable.

- I have 2 types of lip balm - a clear shea lip butter and a tinted cherry red lip balm that leaves a pale red stain over my lips for those times I need to impress a man

- And of course I have a couple of tissues... You can never NOT have tissues in a handbag!

So that's all my handbag essentials! As you can see I do have a fair few things I take with me but you can never be too careful - you never know what can happen! I can say from experience that when you don't have these things, I feel totally unprepared and thrown off my feet... so even if I do decide last minute to stay over someone's house, at least I have panties, body spray and polo's to make myself a presentable human!

I hope this has helped you if you can't decide what things you may need in your bag!!

Lots of Love

Emma V

xoxoxox

Dating 101 - My Personal Top Tips!! (Part One)

As mentioned in my previous post I have now rejoined the dating world (I was only out for 6 months!) but surprisingly in that time I still had things I had forgotten after being in a relationship... Now, a lot of my friends turn to me when it comes to dating advice - I don't know why but they do; so I always try and give them the best advice I can give them based on the situation...

Now, before I give some situations and examples I want to just put a little disclaimer out - EVERY situation and relationship is different, not everything I can recommend is going to work, its what has worked for me in my 4 years of dating as a young adult. I am not a qualified relationship adviser, I'm just your every day 20 (nearly 21) year old woman.

(Right, now the boring bit has been done!) I'm going to try and do these posts in parts as they will be pretty lengthy going into details about the different situations - I don't know how many parts yet, but here is part one...

Example 1 - Busy? / Cancelled Dates?
This is my most current situation that I am currently in - now if one of my friends was to read this they would know my most recent ex and that it didn't end too great.
After a week of splitting up I went and had a bit of fun (its never wrong to have 'fun' just so long as both parties agree and understand the full intentions). A week later, I felt sort of ready to jump back into the pool of dating... So I did..

Now, I know it has a bit of a dodgy reputation but I joined... Tinder! Now, I matched with a guy who was very local to me, straight away we both clarified that we are not interested in just a hook-up - he is very busy with work (and I mean super busy, but we'll touch on that in a second), so we matched and started speaking on Wednesday, by Friday we had our first date. We went for a drink at a pub local to me (as we all know I don't drive so he offered to come to me), the date went well, he offered to drive me home but I was happy to walk - now, a lot of dating advice sites would say that shows I'm not "interested" but I refused purely because I; a) wanted to walk home b) he had travelled to me and I didn't want to be a bother.

Whilst on my walk home, he messaged me saying thanks for a good night, and did I want to go on a second date - I obliged as we seemed to get on well. Our 2nd date was on the Sunday, we went round his house (see what I mean about different situations? He wasn't taking me back for sex, he had been at work all day and I didn't want to drag him out somewhere when I assumed he would be tired). We ended up chatting for 3 hours, and he then dropped me home - we kissed twice on this date. And, again asked if I would like to go for a third date, so on the Wednesday, he cooked dinner for me at his house and we watched a movie. I ended up staying over at his that night... We definitely had a spark/chemistry and it felt "right" - normally for me I'd say this was going way too fast, we only knew each other a week, but I didn't feel any pressure.

So, this is when it gets tricky. We organised a date for the Saturday - all was well and it came to Saturday, now remember I said he is very busy with his job? Stuff had happened and he had to cancel.

Now you can act 1 of 2 ways... You can act;
a) Get angry, send an emotional text to go fuck himself
b) Be graceful and reschedule

Go for option B!! In a way, see it as a test, especially this early on - if you get angry/stroppy then he may just call the shots then and there, show you are a mature adult - it happens. Life can and does get in the way.

Anyway, we rescheduled for the Monday (bank holiday Monday) now with the job he does he still had to work - so I was waiting at home, as we had arranged to meet up. I messaged him about 5.40pm... I didn't receive a response till 6.20pm saying work had been a nightmare and had to cancel. So, again... I was in that awkward place of do I give him the benefit of the doubt or do I just cut the chord...

I decided to just play it cool and say its okay - I had a gut feeling that he wasn't lying to me. So I simply messaged back and said "Sucks when weeks turn shitty :/ well let me know as I would like to see you again :) xx" - I didn't go over the top I just kept it cool and made my feelings clear that I want to see him again.

Now I will update this when the fourth date is set and it goes on... but for now watch this space!

My main tip from this is to play it cool, be mature and be calm. You don't need to give an over-dramatic reaction - as you may just lose someone that is really decent!


Example 2 - Not being the Booty Call
So one of my best friend's recently came out of a long term relationship, so she really hadn't had much practice in the dating world. I frequently remind her that we have to go through the shitty dates to get a good date, and even then good dates don't always work out.

There is some guys I've been on some lovely dates with but there was no spark for me - so I stayed friends with them and now they are absolutely dear to me!

Anyway, basically she went on a date with this guy, ended up going back to his for whatever reason... ended up doing some 'stuff' (you know what I mean) but not the whole way.

Now, he texted her the following days - she is not looking to just hook up, she wants to date and see if it leads to anything...

My friend sent me some screenshots of their conversations, she was making all the effort. Literally all of it! He wasn't fussed what they would do for their second date - he is meant to be her wooing her and vice versa - I don't believe the man should do all the work, but he was doing none at all!

After reading his last couple of messages which were over 2 consecutive days; "Come c me tonight x" and "call me I'm bored x". He made no effort at any other time to contact her.

Straight away this was a red flag for me. He only contacts her when its convenient for him and he is 'bored'. Sometimes, trust your instincts - they are your best indicators. If it looks like a fish, smells like a fish and feels like a fish... Its probably a fish.

My main tip is; Find out his intentions - don't assume you shouldn't sleep with someone. If it feels right then do it, but get each persons intentions from the start before anything happens. There will always be people who lie and then flake off - but be prepared for this beforehand. Trust your instincts.

I'll leave it at these 2 for now, I'll do some more parts over the next few weeks, I don't want to divulge in loads all at once!

If you have a dating issue you want me to discuss or address then feel free to message me over on my new Facebook page - specifically for my blog! You will remain anonymous as well (its all up to you!)

Lots of Love

Emma V

xoxoxox

Coming back with a bang!

Wow... A lot has happened this year, mostly unexpected but I feel as if I'm sort of falling back on my feet again...

Where do I begin?
I lost my job, I lost my boyfriend (it was inevitable, so I wasn't really too upset - but that's besides the point) and so many people were being so negative around me... So I just sat myself down and said enough is enough. To the people who have been nothing but a downer I've disconnected from and stuck with the people who are positive and will bring me good and happy vibes - no one wants a Debbie Downer, they want a Positive Polly!

I've picked up my fitness and healthy eating again (read more about that over on my LiveHealthywithEmma blog) - after months of eating not so good food and nearly no fitness (have to say I do feel ashamed in myself) I have finally picked up and already progressed loads.

So where does that leave us with Anchors Away?
I'll be honest, the last 8 months I've really not been 'into' my blogging, I didn't want to write for the sake of writing because I knew I wouldn't be creating content to my highest standard and it wouldn't be something I'm invested into... I didn't want to hate my blogging. Now with myself being out of work (and looking for a new job) I have some extra time on my hands where I feel happy to utilise the odd bit of time to do some blogging, and bring back something that means a lot of happy and positive vibes!

---------------------------------------------------

So... this is where I come to you - please bear with me while I get some posts up and going again, tell me what you want to see!! Lifestyle, fashion, tips etc I'm happy to oblige to the best of my ability!

I'm hoping to do some OOTW posts when the weather picks up again... so watch out for them!!

I hope you are all well my darlings, and I hope 2016 has been a kinder year to you then it has to me!

Lots of Love!!

xxxx

Irresistible Me - Hair Extensions!

I've been meaning to write this post for months but life has been getting in the way a lot hence my lack of blogging...

Due to recent unforseen events I've got some time on my hands to catch up on writing this!

(Super sorry to the lovely ladies at Irresistable Me for the wait too!! Much love!)

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Back towards the end of 2015, I had the lovely Irresistable Me get in contact about hair extensions; for someone like myself who is always so indecisive about their hair, particularly when spending so long growing it out to drastically decide to cut it. Its always nice to have a back up plan!

I've always wanted some decent hair extensions (by that I mean ones that I can curl and wash and not go all horrible...) and this was when I thought I'd give these a go!

I went for 200grams of 20 inch hair extensions in platinum blonde.

It will be obvious in the photos that the colours aren't blending with my natural hair colour this is because I haven't got round to finding a dye that matches my natural blonde but with the lightness of the extensions it should be easy to dye and wash them! Although for the benefit of looking at the length you can determine easily between my natural hair and the extensions so you can get a good idea!

When the extensions turned up (if I remember correctly they turned up about a week after the order was placed) they were in this beautiful black box with the Irresistible Me". The extensions were sealed in a plastic bag with a tab that had to be broken to open them...

So, I proceeded to take the gorgeous extensions out of the packaging (they were in a netting to protect them) - I had received one 4 clip weft, 4 two clip wefts, 3 three clip wefts, 4 one clip wefts - so there was plenty to cover the whole of my head. (For the images taken below I used; one 4 clip, 2 three clips and 2 two clip wefts).

My natural Hair length (also excuse the ill fitting bra!!)

And now with the added extensions (before they are dyed to my natural colour!)

I wore these from about 1pm in the afternoon till about 7pm and they didn't hurt or pull on my hair. The quality of the extensions are absolutely wonderful and they are so silky smooth (puts my natural hair to shame - best get buying some more conditioner!)

I prefer to wear extensions when I'm doing my hair in a specific "style" or "do" particularly when curling it and pulling my hair over onto one shoulder, or a ponytail/bun. So I also wanted to see what its like when all gathered on one shoulder - I absolutely love the fullness of the extensions and the added volume and length it gives to my hair!

The love is unstoppable I have to say...

Again below you can see the complete difference in length from my hair to the extensions...

For someone who has had an up and down/ love and hate relationship with hair extensions these have definitely made me fall in love with these, they are comfortable, easy to style and the quality of them is absolutely fantastic - if you want some really decent hair extensions you have to purchase these!!

They are made from 100% Remy Hair and you can select how much or little you'd like to purchase, they were super helpful with my bombardment of questions about the product so never feel afraid to ask (even if you think it seems silly!!)

I got the Royal Remy in Platinum Blonde at 20 inches long...

Prices start from as little as $130/£92...

http://www.irresistibleme.com/hair-extensions/royal-remy/platinum-blonde-699.html

Thanks for reading guys!!

Lots of love!!

xx

OOTW; Wrap It Up

Outfit

Underwear

Red Plus Size Bra (42DD), New Look - £12.99

Red Strappy Side Lace Briefs (18), New Look- £5.99

Black 80 Denier Tights (L), New Look - £4.99

Main Outfit

Baby Pink Strappy Top (18), Primark - £1.80

Grey Pencil Bodycon Skirt (18), Primark - £2

Black Block Heels (6), Primark - £15

Jacket & Accessories

Woolen Wrap (One Size), Next - £Gifted

White Woolen Snood (One Size), Primark - £5

Silver Heart Pendant Necklace, Gift from the Boyfriend

What I love the most about this outfit is just how lovely it looks. You can look smart yet feel so darn comfy! This grey pencil bodycon skirt is my definite go to for work at the moment, especially with all the running around I do, I can still look smart, sophisticated but still be comfy and be able to do all the things I need to do.

I've definitely been on the trend of wearing wraps/shawls this year, I have 2 so far, and this was gifted to me for Christmas. I absolutely love how soft and cosy this is to wear! It's definitely like getting a hug when you can't get an actual one from someone. Cuddles me all day long!

Can we all take a moment to admire how beautiful my necklace is?! 

(Little secret, I balled my eyes out when I got this at Christmas!)

I've had a lot of "Are you're shoes comfortable?!" yes, yes they are! These stunners from Primark for a mighty £15 are super comfy and the absolute perfect height for me. They are definitely not too high, and are comfortable for me to wear all day. I can also jog lightly in them when required... Obviously not out of choice, but I have tested this out.

As you can see, I'm currently sporting a choppy bob and full fringe. We all know how spontaneous I am with my hair, and decided to go for the chop back in December; my hair was not in a very good state and had been through the wars a bit. To get my hair back into a better condition I got my split ends all cut out with a bit of extra length taken to make sure I can grow my hair beautifully.

My make-up is a simple Autumnal look, I've really just stayed in my Autumnal fashion this autumn and winter due to the weather. It's not been cold enough for big fur coats and elaborate winter fashion for me. I've enjoyed being able to play out my autumn fashion style a little longer then normal too! I've gone for some light browns on the eyelid and a dark brown in the crease blended through, in the small of my eye I've gone for a shimmery gold, blended through into the light brown and dark brown in my crease.

On my lips I began with exofliating with a toothbrush and proceeding to put on some Carmex lip balm. After a while I added my Benefit Rockateur Lip Gloss over the top for that extra bit of glam!

My foundation and concealer are both Rimmel in the shade Soft Beige and my eyeshadow's are from the MUA Palette's. Blusher is a combo of Soap & Glory's & Bourjois in Rose D'Or.

Lots of Love

Emma 

xoxo

Perfume Review; YSL Black Opium

Perfumes are absolutely wonderful; I love the unique smells they create and how they can enhance to you as an individual. I'm definitely a person who matches my perfumes to my emotional mindset - so I will want my perfume to convey a certain aura and a specific sense to the people around me.

Before I purchased the Yves Saint Laurent Black Opium perfume my day to day perfume was the Marc Jacob's Daisy Eau So Fresh which is a wonderfully floral, refreshing and girly perfume and my old work perfume was Ralph Lauren's Ralph (for women) - I decided that I would switch my perfumes up what with starting my new job last September, so I switched my Marc Jacob's Daisy Eau So Fresh to my work perfume, but then I was left with no perfume for when I'm out of work.... So I went to several different places for the shop assistant's opinion as I like to get a different opinion and compare, I then asked a few of my blogger friends and then proceeded to put a status on my Facebook page... The comment that swayed me the most was the lovely Jessica's (from www.jessicaann.co.uk) comment on my status!

What was I searching for?
I was searching for a perfume that was very demure, sexy and slightly musky and something with a good staying power. I wanted something romantic (I know, not asking for much was I?) I originally decided on Opium by YSL as after reading comparative reviews of the two Opium's I went for the original Opium. The Black Opium was under very mixed reviews (a bit like Marmite if I'm honest, some loved and the others hated it, there wasn't any in between!). As I had lots of points on my Boots Card I risked buying the Black Opium after my discussion with Jessica... And boy am I relived I bought Black Opium!

Opium arrived and I was disappointed, the smells were lovely and romantic but far too old for me. For someone who has a very young persona, outgoing and rather outwardly seductive, it was a bit too "settled" for me, I decided to gift this to my mother instead and she absolutely adores the perfume and reminds her of when she wore it when she was younger... Happy days! So I waited anxiously for Black Opium to arrive; and boy was I blown away when it did arrive!

What does it smell like?
So I'm going to borrow some of the official information from the YSL website about Black Opium's scent because in my opinion they have summed it up absolutely perfectly...

"THE FRAGRANCE COMPOSITION:

When the electrifying energy of black coffee meets the assertive femininity of white flowers. A vibrant, sensual and addictive contrast of light and dark. Black coffee accord - Orange blossom - Cedarwood – Patchouli

OLFACTIVE FAMILY:
Oriental floral gourmand"

Black Opium is that perfect contrast of demure, sexy, and romantic as well as the amazing staying power. It has the rich demure smell that is perfect if you want a very strong and powerful perfume, strong smell for a strong woman if you ask me. This perfume pretty much defines me now, everytime I've met up with friends since and they've had a quick sniff of my perfume they pretty much think its a match made in heaven to me, the subtle and strong hints of the fragrance is just me in a complete nutshell, strong, demure, sensual and powerful. 

How much does it cost?

For the 30ml bottle from Boots it is £44

For the 50ml bottle from Boots it is £64

For the 90ml bottle from Boots it is £84

Eau de Parfum or Eau de Toilette?

I won't buy anything other then EDP for myself, I'm very fussy on this, but I'd recommend asking a fragrance specialist about what they recommend for you and what your personal taste is.

Are you happy?

I'm very happy with this perfume, it has been what I've been searching for for a very long time! I doubt I'll be changing my perfume anytime soon now! I'm in love with this perfume and have already purchased my third bottle (yes, you read correctly my THIRD bottle!!). My boyfriend also loves the perfume on me, which for me says it all!

Emma

xoxo

A Happy New Year!

Just so you are all aware, I'm having to schedule this post as I'm away over New Year (I was also away for the majority of Christmas too!)...

I know I've often been away from my blog this year, however taking a backseat has mean't lots of other things have happened in my life; I started 2015 completely pessimistic that it would be a good year, I knew things were going to go wrong "like every other year" so I went to bed early and didn't bother. Guess what? Bad things happened. BUT the most important thing I learnt was...

No matter how many bad things happen, good will happen to. We have the go through the bad to appreciate the good things that happen to us. Its the rollercoaster of life - and how we handle them, reflects on the type of person we are

I've grown up so much this year and so much has changed; below is a little month by month(and Positive/Negative) summary of some of the things that have happened this year...

January

N - Was ill for 6 weeks and recovering from a dislocated knee throughout this month

P - Interviewed on Latest TV (popular Local TV station!!) in regards to Plus Size Modelling

P - Reviewed a stunning skirt and made a great friend with Fiza from Das Rock Haus

P - Went on a few dates, despite not working out, I made good friends with them!

February

N - Still very unwell with a bad chest infection, back and forth to the hospital...
N - Another Valentines Day alone; this really got me down this year...

P - I took part in the Queen of Hearts Catwalk Show!

P- My modelling page hit 1,000 likes!

March

N - Still feeling ill...

P - Went to see Mark Feehily with my best friend in London

P - Began to start looking for a new job

P - Picked photography back up and got some shoots booked with some model friends!

P - Derby Day at Wembley Stadium with my best friend (Rugby!)

P - Got a job interview with 2 schools for April...

April

N - Found out who some true friends really were...

N - On anti-biotics... Again.

P - Had my interviews... I got offered  new job from both schools; but took the job at the private school! 

P - Started to do some proper work outs (including a bit of boxercise!)

P - Worked as a backup Photographer on a Fashion Shoot!

May

N - I'm still ill... Is that even humanly possible to be ill this long?

N - Started to feel very low and looking at the negatives of life instead of the positives...
N - Went on possibly some of the worst dates imaginable...

P - Went to Atomic Vintage Festival with the gorgeous Vintage Kisses!

P - 50,000 views on my blog!

June

N - Battle with the local authority to keep my brother at his current school, where he had been for the past 13 years...

N/P - I took a break from dating... Things didn't feel good, and I needed to take a break.

P - Began my new healthy living plan... A tough start.

P - More confidence in my own cooking and creating recipes!

P - Went to the British Belle's Pinup Picnic in the Park - met the amazing Vintage Doll Laura!

P - Ran a personal best of 2.46km - the most I had ever run in one go at that point in my life!

July

N - Got verbally harassed in public... Complete confidence blow.

N - Again, I found out who were some of my true friends... On my 20th birthday.
N - Didn't celebrate my birthday due to those friends above completely ditching me...

P - Did my first proper open fire barbecue!

P - Sent the most beautiful dozen roses for my 20th Birthday. I'd never been sent flowers on my birthday before!

August

N - My laptop stopped working... And cost me a shit tonne of money to get fixed.

N - Physically harassed in public whilst food shopping.

P - I went to Benefit HQ for a meeting... THEY INVITED ME!

P - Had blood test, fitness test and health review back from the Doctors. I'd improved and everything was super healthy... Best News Ever!

P - Barbie Girl shoot in Southampton before my modelling break!

P - Officially left my job!!!!

P - Got free tickets to UK Plus Size Fashion Week as part of the Media!

September

P - Started my new job!

P - Began Dating again... Started speaking to someone and things began going well..

P - Approached by a WORLD FAMOUS Photographer to work on a photo shoot for a Calender in 2016!!!

P - Did the photo shoot in the freezing milk (BIG HINT HERE!!!!)... Amazing experience of my life!

P - Went to UK Plus Size Fashion Week and met some bloggers I had wanted/been meaning to meet for a long time! 

P - Weight loss and healthy living going well, but being less harsh on myself and just living wiser!

October

N - Ended up very ill again.. Ended up going to hospital.

N - Lots of Anti-Biotics.

P - Began going on some dates with the person I started speaking to in September!

P - Started my Neuro-Linguistic Programming Diploma!

P - Finally got a new phone... that works!

November

N - Gained a few physical injuries at work...

P - Lots of positive praise from my Senior at work... And that I have a lot of potential in the future for training to my ultimate goal!

P - Lots more fantastic dates... And becoming an official couple!

December

N- On Anti-Biotics and Steroids to help me get over the chest infection I still had from October...

P - Spending lots of time with the boyfriend... Chill out Days, Going out...

P - Sent some beautiful hair extensions from Irresistible Me.. Review in the New Year!

P - Got my hair re-styled with a full fringe and a shorter bob style. Confidence!!

P - Spending the 4 days before Christmas with my boyfriend.

P - Being absolutely spoilt over Christmas from my amazing friends, family and boyfriend. Happiness!

If we look at the negatives... I had an awful year. I was ill for the majority of the year and lots of bad things did happen... Which I predicted correctly.

BUT

If we look at the positives... I had an amazing year! Lots more great things happened to outweigh the bad! I've not been as happy as I have been the last few months, lots of things have changed since January 2015 to December 2015... But things are looking amazing for 2016 if things carry on with how well they've been going!

Keep positive my darlings!!

Lots of Love and a very Happy New Year!!! 

xxxx

(Blogging will resume hopefully regularly from the 9th of January!)

UKPSFW - September 2015

I know I know... It's been forever since I've been meaning to post this!! But in my previous 2 posts where I explained everything that's been going on - its not that interesting but there is some news I suppose!!

Back in August I received an email to see if I would be available to attend UK Plus Size Fashion Week... In no way humanly possible would I turn this opportunity down! (I would just love to say a huge thank you for the opportunity!)

So below are some of the images from UKPSFW and some of my favourite pieces... I think my absolute favourite Catwalk had to be the Nine X Lingerie; they are a fantastic lingerie company, but everything on their catwalk show just made me go 'WOW'!

Below are some of my favourite pieces from all the Catwalks... I did also love this light blue sparkly dress by BooHoo.. But I can't find a picture! It was also worn by Hayley Hasslehoff who looked incredible!!