Being a "Plus Size"...

This has been bugging me for a little while now... 

Yes I'm plus size.

and Yes... Men are attracted to me!!!!!!!

Honestly, the amount of times people put me down for my size and not being a size 10 doesn't bother me but what does bother me is when they think men won't be attracted to me because I'm a bigger girl.

I've battled with my weight for many years now - and only since I've started modelling have I started to learn to accept it. And since accepting it, my confidence has grown by 1000%!

But (there's always a but isn't there...) everytime I hear other people say "She's pretty but if she lost 'this much' weight then she'd get a man no problem" - I DO NOT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT TO FIND A MAN.

Honestly, my love life isn't exactly the worst - yes I may well be single right now, but I've started dating again and seeing people! People also seem to think that I won't be able to "pull" an attractive guy because I'm not that slim... WRONG. You can't say all guys have the same taste for women, as the same for women with men and women and women and men and men and so on - you just can't!

Since dressing in this style, I get littered with compliments all the time but the most common one has to be "How do you get the confidence to wear these sort of clothes?" I didn't and sometimes I still get a bit worried if I'm pushing the boundaries too far for my figure... But why should it matter how I dress to the rest of the world! 

I know this is a kind of ranty post, but I just want people to understand that I am a human being just like everyone else, and I do sometimes get a little hurt by rude comments, whether you mean them or not. 

Another little note I'd like to add, as I still find many people at my college and sometimes even my friends think that looks are the thing that attracts you to a person - they are only a small factor, obviously you have to like the way a person looks in your eyes (not everyone is Marilyn Monroe y'know) but personality is also attractive. 


Lots of Love

Emma Victoria

xoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoox

Lifestyle: If You Want a Gentlemen/Lady...

This post may be a little controversial and it is only my personal opinion on the matter - so pretty please bare that in mind! I don't mind a good discussion but just no arguments please! I did ask on my facebook page whether I should post this or not and the result was yes so here it is...

This is a subject I'm asked about a lot... And it seems as if some people do want the old fashioned way to come back. I'm an admirer of the old school way and the way to act, yes we may be in the modern day but does it hurt to want to be an old school lady every once in a while? 

Issue 1 - Girls...

I often hear a lot of girls (and by girls I mean teenagers around the age of 14 - 16) say they want a true gentlemen to hold the door for them, and be a "man". However there are a couple of issues with this... 

If you want a guy to be a gentlemen, why don't you act a little more like a lady? It bugs me when girls who seem to think swearing constantly and acting like a man will attract a gentlemen... It doesn't necessarily work. For example, if you went for a job interview at a rather posh shop lets say, would you turn up in a skirt that just covers your bum and your boobs on full display? For me personally, I've changed a whole lot in the past 2 years alone - I used to swear all the time and never really acted like a lady, but now I dress accordingly and I act like a lady, I have gentlemen of all ages hold the door open for me, help me with my suitcases and heck, I even had 2 train guards at Clapham junction come over to me, just to tell me how beautiful I looked and helped me put my heavy suitcase on the train! If you want to get a gentlemen, then act like a lady, its really not that hard!

I'm not saying you have to be like the royal family, not at all, but just have manners and be polite and don't dress as if you are working at a strip club... (Personal opinion there... Oh Controversy!)

Issue 2 - Boys
Okay I'm going to be fair here, I feel sorry for you guys. Girls can be real bitchy sometimes and you are just expected to read our minds as if you know everything going on in our heads (dang us girls are complicated!). I only have 2 main issues regarding men... The 1st being don't have that chauvinistic attitude where you tell the woman to "make you a sandwich" or "go to the kitchen" that is not being a gentlemen - that is sexist. A woman will do them things for you if you RESPECT her, not if you are damn well derogatory to her and just expect her to do it anyway. The 2nd issue being... MAKE AN EFFORT. Personally, I'm a sucker for a man in a 3 piece suit (and a beard, but that's a whole other personal thing) and I've been on so many dates where the guy has just made no effort what so ever, I'm not saying dress as if you are going to a Michelin Star restaurant, but making a little bit of an effort with aftershave and a nice pair of trousers and a casual shirt won't hurt! Girls, whether we say it or not, do look for the physical features in a man - not saying you have to be Brad Pitt because each person has their own taste!

Issue 3 - Chivalry
This is my ultimate issue with the whole being a gentlemen thing... I like a man that can hold the door open for me and treat me like a lady but still respect that I am a human being and I can cope on my own. A lot of people, in my opinion, now days seem to think that if a man is chivalrous to a lady, that she is incapable of doing it herself - which is wrong. Another idea is, that people think chivalry is about treating just women correctly... BIG FAT NO. 

Chivalry is about being polite and a gentlemen to everyone, for example instead of just helping a lady you like across the street, why don't you help an elderly person? If you are a gentlemen to everyone, then that will attract the right woman! For me personally, I find it super attractive if a man helps or is a gentlemen to other people. 

Sorry for the rather ranty post, but it's something that is kind of a big deal for me and people often seem to have the wrong perception of chivalry that its just to be used towards women when really you should be a gentlemen all the time! And girls just don't seem to understand that the way you act and dress could attract the wrong sort of person that you don't desire to be with.

Its all about self perception, for me, I want a real gentlemen, not just one who is doing it for the sake of it, but is doing it because that is what he truly believes. 

Any who...

Next Saturday's post will be a review of the Soap and Glory Powder Palette - so nothing as heavy as this post!

Lots of Love Petals

Emma Victoria

xoxoxoxox

Lifestyle: Valentines Day...

'Singletons'

I know, its getting to that time of year again, where all the couples will be on overload with PDA (public display of affection) - and yes, I respect that they love each other, but what about us poor singletons left on our own... Well here is my plan!

Even though I've recently started dating guys again, (after FINALLY getting enough confidence to do so now!), I'm still going to be single on Valentines Day. So what do I plan on doing?! NOTHING!

Yup, that's right, nothing. I'm going to ignore all the lovey dovey stuff, and just carry on with my life! 

My advice to you would be to do the same, round this particular day of the year, all the people who are single seem to become super observant of all the people in relationships, and really, you are only going to make it a million times worse for yourself! 

Maybe get a DVD, make a milkshake, get your pyjamas on and relax - or go down the gym, have a really good workout and feel proud of yourself! (PSST - THE NEW LEGO MOVIE COMES OUT ON THE 14TH GO FIND A FRIEND TO SEE IT WITH YOU!!) Its all about self evaluation - and if you want to find a date for Valentines day this year or next year, then remember this "For other people to love me, I have to love myself" - men and women love people who can be confident! (If you struggle with body confidence in particular don't forget to check out my body confidence post!).

People with a Valentines

I thought it'd be nice to include both sides of the story! I've also come to realise that even the people in relationships, seem to come under a lot of discrimination for valentines day. If you do have a boyfriend/date then maybe try and do something a little different, maybe something sentimental. This year my friend has made a photo album of all the memories she has had with her boyfriend, she's handwritten them all and made it like a huge collage in a book and its absolutely beautiful. 

Instead of buying a card and flowers, why don't you make something for your loved one? It will honestly mean more then a piece of card from a shop! 

But my biggest piece of advice for you would be... be spontaneous, and no not just on valentines day - all year round. Why should it take for one day for you to show your love? Do something special every once in a while, go for a walk at midnight. 

So one thing I want to know from you guys is...

What is the cheesiest chat up line that someone has said to you? 
Mine has to be "If you stood in front of a mirror and held up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world."

Lots of Love

Emma Victoria 

xoxox

What's Going On In Life?

I always ask myself, "what's really going on?" - so much has happened in these past 2-3 month's with my relationships, work, college, friend's and pretty much everything! I thought I'd do a little life post again, as I feel it's been a while since we've had one. I know I usually do OOTW's on a Wednesday  but today I'm just really not feeling inspired, plus I'm in pain, so I came to the conclusion I'd just do this instead! I don't want to mope and groan, but sometimes its better to just get it all out your system in one go... right?

So where do I start? Okay lets start with probably the most horrendous and hardest part to just get it out of the way... WARNING - here comes the emotional bit.
Relationships and me just aren't really mean't to be. Who remember's the whole relationship/friendship (read these posts to kind of get the hang of it all: one, two & three). Well it's all this pa lava that's getting to me - I mean don't get me wrong, I'm completely over him and how he treated me with the lying and going behind my back the whole time but I just feel so lonely at the moment, like I don't have anyone to just give me a cuddle when I just need it. I wish that my little heart could be fixed, and that I didn't have trust issues now. My friends are being absolute stars and helping me through it all, but I just don't think I can get over these issues of trusting someone with my heart again. Have any of you got any suggestions on what to do? 
Health well lets say I've not been a lucky bunny with health this past year, no matter what I seem to do, it is always jeopardised by my sporadic health. Lets start with September last year, I had a major chest infection, which me being me, decided I'd be fine, until the point I started coughing so much and then I threw up. Only to go to the doctors and find out I had pneumonia - good one Emma. It took me around 9 weeks to recover, in and out of hospital alongside several medications and an inhaler I'm still on now. After leaving college I felt fine, until I then got another cold, which went straight to my chest, again on medication for 5 weeks, I got better. I had a fair amount of time being perfectly well and feeling healthy, until I broke 2 toes, not even a week after my 18th Birthday. I don't even have

the excuse of being drunk - I was messing around with my friend, he pushed me a little too hard and I whacked my foot against the solid corner part of the sofa. Smooth. And on the 5th August I fell down the stairs, and now it's come back to bite me. 3 weeks ago, I started having majorly painful problems with my spine/back. So after 4 appointments at the doctors, I finally had a spinal x-ray at the hospital last Thursday, and have to wait a week for the results. 

College is driving me mad. Don't get me wrong, I love studying, but because of all the problems with my spine I'm missing lessons, and it's annoying me cause I just want things to get back to normal. I've had the day off yesterday because of the amount of pain I was in and having several spasms in my back in the morning alone.

So what's happening in your lives that you just wish would get better so you can live your life like normal?

However, I've bought lots of little bits for Halloween this year, and I've started my Christmas shopping! This weekend I'm getting the Halloween decorations down and the Christmas decorations - SO EXCITED! Which brings me to - Christmas posts!! Is there anything you would like to see in my Christmas posts?! 

Lots of Love

Emma Victoria

xoxo

P.S Friday I will be posting a little Pumpkin carving post - even though I won't be carving my pumpkins till next Wednesday (which I will also blog about too!)

Lifestyle - How I Get Over Someone & Relationship's

Today I thought I would do a lifestyle post, which is very close to my heart at the moment! I haven't done a little emotional post in a while and thought that now would be a good time to post one! 

So where do we begin? Remember in previous post's (here, here) I mentioned the crazy roller-coaster friendship/relationship thing I was in, well its carried on. However, the past 3 months all we've done is argue, and its come to the point where its pretty ridiculous. I began to get fed up with being treated like an idiot, and also found out he was lying to me. Any surprise he made some excuse about it? I wasn't too surprised. The whole distance thing got to me in the end, and now its been 16 days since we had our last proper conversation, which honestly I'm pleased about. I found in the end that I was always making the effort, starting conversations, keeping conversations going. Honestly? It felt like he just didn't care any more. Why should I care if he doesn't? I've always been one of them people who feels the need to apologise for no reason just so things are easy and there's no arguing, as I can't stand arguing! 

So what did I do to get over him? I did things to take my mind off thinking about him! And now, I couldn't really give a damn any more! Every time I thought about him, I'd have a rubber band on my wrist so I'd ping it hard, sort of a punishment to stop me thinking about him, and now it's worked! Feelings and routine are always that little more harder to change and get over; the thing I did to get out of routine of talking every day to this guy was talk to one of my close friends, my friend Ricky has been an absolute star for me! Every time I felt like an urge to talk to him or I was upset, Ricky would talk to me and remind me why I'm doing this! It doesn't happen overnight, but when you start to look at it from an outside perspective (looking in on the situation, instead thinking of yourself in the situation) you begin to realise why you are doing it, and it will only make you stronger! I'm doing it because I'm fed up of being treated like I have no feelings and that nothing matters in the other persons eyes! You have to be strong and persistent, but also determined to do it. I tend to be weak willed at things like this, but I've tried so hard to do this and get over him, and I will do it!

I think the most important thing to do is to keep yourself occupied, find an activity to do, even in the house when you probably think the most, you need to take your mind of the situation, and if you do think about it, remind yourself why you are doing it! I took cross stitch and knitting back-up, I find cross stitch very therapeutic when I'm upset or angry, it sounds silly, but pushing that needle through cloth, for me, is a release of trapped emotions. Another really important tip is that, don't stop making an effort to look good, because if you don't look good you can't feel good! I found the last time I was left heartbroken and hurt, all I did was wear a pair of jeans, a top and a leather jacket. It was pretty much all I wore, I wore no make-up just because I couldn't be bothered, I let my emotions get to me, which  I shouldn't have done! This time, I'm making the effort, because I know I'm worth it! Even going shopping can make you feel better, because you are looking for items to make yourself look good, and make you feel better! Make that person who hurt you, realise what they have lost!

I must admit, the first few days were a real struggle for me to do, constantly thinking about him, being upset because he never made the effort to speak to me, thinking what I'd done wrong- but I realised I was making all the effort. I'm now at the stage of not caring for this person any more; being friends is a two way thing, it shouldn't be just one person making the effort to communicate. I learn't the hard way, that sometimes things just don't work out the way you think they might. 

Overall, I would say that now, I'm definitely on the way to being over this person, and what they've done to me. Obviously, I don't want to say everything that has happened, cause some bits are private and I'd prefer to keep them to myself. Friends are really important when getting over someone and how they treat you. Even one friend can make a difference, for them to talk to you and take your mind off the situation, can be really important. But you have to help yourself overall, don't go telling yourself something that isn't true like 'Oh they are probably just busy', if they did care, they'd make the effort, especially after 2 weeks. You have to remember, you aren't the one who's lost someone, they have lost you, not the other way round. They've lost the person who is kind, affectionate and caring. 

If any of you wish to speak to me, or need advice, please feel welcomed to drop me a private email (anchorsawaybeauty@hotmail.com) and I will reply ASAP.

Also don't forget to look out for my lovely friend Anja's guest post.. This friday!!

Lots of Love

Emma Victoria

xoxo

Weekly Overview; 28th July

I've sewn labels in 47 items today!

I can't believe we are in the last 3 days of July... how quick is 2013 going?! I swear it will be Christmas before I know it! Any who, lets get on with my weekly overview! 

Today All I have done is sewing labels into my brother's clothes for his scout jamboree! My fingers are killing after threading a needle through clothes all day (since 10am) ouch. Early night tonight, after all that sewing (oh and watching Gavin and Stacey!)

Monday I have lots of errands to run, I need to put money into my bank, do some ironing, do my shopping list, do more washing and have a shower! Its just one of them boring house days which consist of baggy clothes and no make-up! I also have to go to the airport to see my lovely friend and band member Ricky off on his holiday! He won't be returning till the 2nd of September! I will also be doing my OOTW tonight because I just won't have the time tomorrow!

Tuesday I am off to London with my best friend to go shopping! Yay! I'm so excited! Me and my friend Charlie are going shopping as she wants to find an outfit for Summertime Swing and also just because we want to go shopping in London! Afterwards, I'll come home, relax in bed and watch a film! 

Wednesday I have to go food shopping, all on my own! Big stuff for me! A full weeks shopping to do for myself! I think Chocolate will definitely be going in the trolley! I may also (finally) do my Birthday Haul video, I know its been around 2-3 weeks since my Birthday but I've just been finding a way to do it!

Thursday I have to see the doctor!! I have to see the doctor for a check-up on my foot after breaking 2 of my toes! After having one of my toes re-set they just want to make sure that the toe is okay, I also get to find out if I can wear heels again! 

Friday I need to help pack all my brothers clothes for his scout jamboree and get all his stuff together! Just another relaxed day and getting all my stuff ready for the weekend too! I may even go DVD shopping if I have enough money!

Saturday I'm up super early to help get my brother to his International Scout's Jamboree, he is super excited about going and spending time with all his friends! Once my brother's gone my mum and dad are going away till Monday to a concert in Whistable (I think they are seeing the Blow Monkeys), which means, I'm home alone with my dog Freddie! I may get a takeaway just for myself as a treat, or I'll cook, it depends! I may bake a cake too seeing as I have the whole day (and house!) to myself! I think its Film Night too for me!

Sunday I have my best friend Charlie coming up and staying with me and we are going to Summertime Swing!! I'm so super excited about going and seeing the Jive Aces! I've no idea what outfit I'm going to be wearing yet either!!! Charlie will be staying over at mine, which means I'll post my Weekly Overview on Monday next week as I just won't have time next Sunday!!

Busy week ahead, but also super exciting! Also, tomorrow I will finally be posting a collage of some of my birthday photos, Wednesday will be a lifestyle post all about relationships and love and how to get over someone so if you need a bit of love advice then stay tuned! Also if you have any questions related to relationships then please let me know and I shall answer them in my post! Next Friday will also be a guest post (hopefully) from my lovely friend Anja!

Much Love

Emma Victoria

xoxo

Weekly Overview; June 16th & Life Update!

Hello you lovely lot!

Its that time of the week again, where I will tell you all about my forthcoming week, but its also time for a life update (we aren't including my episode of Horror Wednesday, which you can read here if you really want to!).

Today - Well seeing as its Father's Day, I'm being kept super busy. My gifts which I ordered (over a week ago!) still haven't turned up *sigh*. But I am cooking my dad Dinner tonight (a Chicken Makhani Curry - thank you Hairy Bikers Cookbook for saving my butt). I have already cut the grass today, which has fired up my hayfever, and then I need to do some boring singing training stuff, cause I'm trying to recover my voice and get it back to its normal self before next weekend! Exciting! 

Monday First of all, I get a lay-in... yay! I'll probably get up at 9am (that's a lay in for me so shh!) and cut the front lawn, then I will probably mope around, have a shower and get ready for college at 2, with my favourite teacher Lisa! I finish at 3.20 but won't get home until 5pm, cause public transport really hates me. Then I have my dreaded singing lesson! I won't be able to talk much of Tuesday, so that should be super interesting.

Tuesday Well, the original plan was for college, but considering little old me fell ill with pneumonia last year so I need to go to hospital and see my doctor for my check-up to see how my lungs are functioning! After I will probably mope around at home and do absolutely nothing.

Wednesday I have to get up at 5am, UGH. Too much effort is required for this, but I have to do it, so no point complaining I guess! I have college from 9am-12pm, and my mum will be picking me up cause I completely forget that I don't get home till 2pm with public transport and I booked a driving lesson for 1.30... Good one. And then afterwards, I will be going on a DATE. Yup, an actual date, with a guy. (All shall be explained in the life update below!). 

Thursday I am working, from 6am - 12pm, and then college from 12.30 -1.50! The joys of being a working student... Afterwards, I have band rehearsal! Yup, a 3 hour rehearsal for a big gig Saturday night! I will probably come home, have a sandwich, and again have an early night's sleep. Also, I begin doing my gig prep, so that means no alcohol, or no dairy products until Saturday!

Friday I get a lift to college and back home! College is from 10.40 till 12 which hopefully means we will be looking at the Stray Cats and Polecats in media (fingers crossed!). Today will just be another day of resting my voice as much as I possibly can.

Saturday Today will be spent driving to London and setting up, to perform at a Rockabilly wedding! We have been hired by the lovely Claire and Rick to perform at their wedding reception, which is around 250 people! Claire saw us live when we performed way back in December at the local Social Club in front of a tiny crowd no more then around 40 people. So, we really can't thank the lovely couple enough for asking us to play!

Now, with the weekly overview over and done with I can update you all about my life! Okay so lets start with the fact that since around July last year, I've not felt happy once, I never saw a point to anything and can't even name one time within that period to around last week when I was happy. After, all my friends nagging me, I finally went to the doctors, it was when I was told I was depressed. Me being, typically me, I thought 'there is no way I'm depressed, other people have problems far worse then mine and cope absolutely fine' my doctor who was super concerned cause this has gone on for a while, and for the fact I have a moderate form of Severe depression, he wants to nail it now, before I get any "worse". So last week I went to my counsellor for the third time, and now that he has finally got me to actually talk about my problems, I can begin to move forward. Many of you know from previous life posts (just look through the blog) that I really don't have much luck with relationships and the fact I have felt hurt by this one person for months. I am so happy to admit, I have moved on. For me, this is a huge step forward to be happy again and over these past 2 weeks, I'm beginning to feel happy again! I have only spoken to the guy who has hurt me, twice over the past 2 weeks, which is a huge achievement to before when I struggled to go a day without talking to him. I also stuck to my guns, and sticking by my word and not giving in all the time and always feeling like I need to apologise to make everything 'okay' with everyone, when it really isn't. I also saw my best friend Charlie again after going months without seeing her! Now, I have also started dating a lovely chap, who also loves rockabilly and is passionate about playing the double bass. However, for now, I want to keep things private and between us, until we are ready to go public about it all! Being back at college is helping me a great deal, especially with my great aunt passing away last Tuesday. There will be ups and downs however, I'm not afraid to admit that I was depressed BUT now I am getting better, its only up from here!

I'm sorry for the super long post, but part of my recovery is to admit to other people that I was depressed, not only to myself. If you ever want to talk about things, no matter how silly it is, please just leave me a message in the comments or via my blog email (anchorsawaybeauty@hotmail.com).

Billions of Love!!

Emma Victoria

xoxo

Times Change, Memories Fade...

Who would've thought it'd some what end the day after posting my previous post? I most certainly didn't... Well that's it, I didn't follow my heart, I followed my head - but I was reluctant. I haven't ever just moped and cried to myself, while wallowing in bed alone for a very long time, yet this seems to have just happened out of nowhere. I want to inspire, and help others, but how can I achieve this if I can't take my own advice? I always help people with their relationships, but when it comes to my own, I never know what to do, what to say or how to react... 

This past year I've had 2 guys who meant the world to me, one I've known for years, and he became my best friend and the other through a passion of watching Rugby. Lets start with the latter... He moved to New Zealand in December to go to a rugby academy out there, he had a dual passport (British and Kiwi). Now the first guy, he was my best friend, he meant the world to me, and now I don't know what will happen... He wants to stay friends, but staying friends will only break me even more then I'm already broken now. Staying friends, means hiding how I truly feel, and realising what I wouldn't ever have... And now truly, the only thing I want is my ex to come back from New Zealand... We had our problems, but we were strong, and we loved each other, and even if we couldn't see each other, he would keep trying to see me when he could. He fought for what we had, and made the most of what we had together...

I wish I knew what to do, but for now, I will just hide away, and keep quiet...

I will be doing a haul in the coming week or so in between baking cakes and doing party decorations

Emma Victoria 
xoxo

Your Head or Your Heart? ...

I'm confused, really confused. I have been so busy recently planning my dad's 50th Birthday party, sorting my room out with new furniture, working, revising, writing songs etc, I have felt like pulling my hair out and I have completely ignored about how I feel about someone who means the world to me... However, as I said I'm confused, I know in my head we can never be together, but my heart is telling me different. But who do I listen to, my head or my heart? To completely summarise my situation in a nutshell, I've fallen for my best friend, but he lives far away. So what would you do? For now, I will probably carry on, keeping myself busy until something comes up, but until that day I will try and work it out. 

Emma Victoria

xoxo