The New Year Way...

So what have you done for the New Year? Began a new resolution? Taken up a Hobby? Or set yourself a Challenge or two?

Well I definitely have - last weekend I had to schedule my Saturday post as we had guests down and I was working, and I didn't want to be rude to guests (politeness is key don't forget!) but I finally got round to doing this post for you! So what have I decided to do to mark the year 2015 for me...

Don't Let The People Who Hurt You Make You Cry

Over the past few year's I've often been left in tears on many occasions by people who shouldn't be hurting me - well this year, I'm not shedding any tears over people hurting me, I'll just move on and away from them. It might not sound like a particularly great thing, but it will contribute to my overall happiness!

Being Creative

I used to do Art GCSE when I was at school, despite not being the 'arty' type (as much as my teachers told/criticised me in every single lesson) I proved to myself that my teachers were wrong and I could draw - in my own way, not the way they told me was always right. So, this year I just decided I want to be more creative! Make some things instead of buying them - I've already made some really simple labels out of paper/card and recycled my old Yankee Candle pots - One for Cash, One for Pennies and One For Memories which I'll explain later...

Happy With My Own Body

I still feel as if I'm still in a huge battle of acceptance with my body, I'm still not 100% happy with the way I look and my input into my body's look. I want to make the effort of being healthier, and once my injury has fully recovered by getting back into exercise. I don't want to be 'skinny' I just want to find happiness and peace with my ongoing battle with my body - I'll probably post up some related posts as the months go on, what I'm doing, what's helping or benefiting me, and products that might be helping me.

Reading

Since about 2011 till August 2014, I sort of had a lack of picking up a book and reading it from start to finish. I changed a lot as a person while at College and being ill for them couple of years (physically and mentally with battling depression and pneumonia and many chest infections). But in September 2014 I picked up a book and got hooked... Fifty Shades of Grey funnily enough got me into reading again (hold back on them crude jokes...). Ever since I've been reading these genre of books and they've really got me back into the reading bug, I hate going out without my book just in case I have to wait for a long time or get stuck somewhere! 

Rugby

This year I'm getting back into rugby - as many of you know I used to be a football supporter of Blackpool FC, after so many of the troubles at the club, I quit my allegiance of 19 years of supporting the team and supported my birth team of AFC Wimbledon - but if I'm honest, I've lost my love for the game, now days no one plays for the passion of the game, just the money. To me its like you tap a footballer and they go down as if they are injured.

If you know me personally, you'll know my ex-boyfriend was a rugby player, and I have many friends who are fans and players themselves too; so I went to a few games, and found my love and passion had gone to rugby! I've always supported rugby, and kept my eye on my team Harlequins as my mum is into rugby, but only the past two season's I've heavily been supporting. I also went to Twickenham on the 27th of December for the Big Game 7 for Harlequins vs Northampton Saints -  despite the loss, the crowd was amazing, the fans weren't split like at football, the game play itself was fantastic, and to be at the Home of English Rugby gave  me a little buzz - I love rugby more then ever (my friends will be pleased to know!) So, this afternoon, I'm off to Twickenham again! I'm going to the Stoop with my best friend to watch my team, The Mighty Quins against Leicester Tigers! 

Writing

When I was younger I used to write a lot, I used to be a poet as well as a songwriter and then I wrote short horror stories (still pleased to say that till this day Hush Before Your Words Kill Me got an A* in my GCSE coursework and my teacher said that she hadn't seen a 15 year old create such a chilling and methodical piece of work!). But since reading again, I've caught the writing bug, this time I'm writing an erotic romance. I'm not sure if it's going to be a Novel or a Novella yet, and I'm only on chapter 2 of it, but I'm enjoying the peace writing gives me late at night - when nothing else is going on and I can focus without interruptions... Who knows, you guys may even read about the lovely Grace one day if I finish the story!

Making the Effort
 
I found in recent weeks since starting my new job, I just stopped making the effort with the way I look, I just threw on my work clothes, brushed my hair, picked up my badge and bag and went to work. And even when at home, I just gave up making an effort. So now I've decided I'm going to start making the effort to look good again, I'm also going to make the effort to go out more too with friends. I'm very much a work hermit, I work at home, I go out to work and come back home to do more work. 

Making Memories

So as I mentioned above, I have a 'Memories' Jar - I'm doing something that a lot of people I've seen do the last few years and on Tumblr. Every day of this year, I will write a little note of what made me happy that day. On a lot of posts it says to wait till the end of the year to open and look at them... However with my own, it will be for whenever I'm feeling low and I start to feel like my depression is creeping back in. Its to help bring the positivity back into my life, which I've desperately lacked for years. I want to feel genuinely happy, not just like I'm putting on an act to be happy to please others.
Live Life to the Full - Do What Help's You and Makes You Smile.

Happy New Year & May All Your Wishes and Aspirations this Year come true!

Love

Emma Victoria

xoxox

Personal; I Have An Idea.

So recently, I've been thinking a lot more as to my career, my life, my job. I've been planning the next few years roughly in my head like the boring stuff of wanting to ideally be moved out by 21, pass my test, get a decent car, spend 2 years at this job and possibly then start looking at another, the trivial things really.

But one thing that has always bugged me, that I know I'd never have the guts to do would be to start up my own business. I have so many ideas stuck in my head; in my dreams I have my own mini empire of an array of my ideas being successful... But I know in reality, I can't and first and for most don't have the guts to take such a huge financial risk right now or maybe ever.

I admire anyone who starts up their own business, and follows that dream. I think what bugs me is that I wouldn't know how to do it for a start. What to start with and who to start with - its all just confusing, its not as simple as writing something down on a piece of paper. It takes time and a lot of money.

Another thing that bugs me personally, is that I feel that I'm not smart enough, like no one will take me seriously, my family and friends say I'm smart but I don't feel I am. I know you don't have to be smart to run a business, but I just feel like I'd make a mockery of myself.

So do any of you have a dream that maybe your too scared to pursue or delve into? If you are, what makes you feel like you can't, and do you think you ever will?

Do you have any good advice?

Emma Victoria

xox

(P.S Don't forget to check out my Haul Video on my YouTube channel which I uploaded yesterday!)

"Emma, Where Were You?"...

Image, MUA & Post-Processing - Chris Barnham Studio

Its been a little while hasn't it my dears? I do hope you enjoyed my first post back on Wednesday with the outfit. I thought today I'd just do a little catch-up post, a bit of a lengthy one, just so I can contain some of the things I've done over my 2 month break and whats going to be changing on the blog for the near future.

So... lets get the boring yet vital bit out of the way. The blog is going to change a bit, nothing huge or anything, but I just want to not restrict myself. What I mean is I don't want the blog just to be known as a beauty blog, a lifestyle blog, or a fashion blog. I want my blog to be about me and what I enjoy. So I'm probably going to do some posts which are slightly more personal, what I might be doing, my ideas, just thoughts, book reviews, I may even just post a simple picture post without any writing. Like an inspiration board, a positivity board etc. I want the blog to reflect me as a single person, not just the things I'm interested in.

The schedule is also changing ever so slightly... Instead of an outfit post every week, I'll be doing them every 2 weeks... Due to some reasons in my personal life, which are explained below, I won't have time to document an outfit a week or do a lengthy post on a saturday each week, so I hope this is okay!

As you know, I also took a break from modelling, mainly because I felt a lot of stress, paranoia and my self-confidence slightly getting to me, and honestly, I needed the break, its given me time to brain storm, re-think where I want to take my modelling, what I want to achieve. I only had one shoot during this time and it was with my regular studio who I work with (Barnham Studio), and again it was a short shoot where we got some simple work done. (Images below from shoot)

                                                               















Being Fancy
Well on the 6th September, I ended up going to a fancy ball. And by fancy I mean, really fancy. Pretty much all the people there were wealthy, posh and they were wearing designer dresses, I felt like bursting into tears like I wouldn't fit in or anything, but I had never been welcomed so beautifully into a community. Despite not being rich or particularly posh I managed to grasp onto how to become a real lady that evening with thanks to Oscar who accompanied me and taught me some etiquette. Due to the prestige of the event I wasn't allowed to take pictures of the place we went to or the event itself, as they had professional photographers and such, but as we drove up the drive (and yes, we had a posh car thanks to my chaperone who is a bit well off, we didn't get the bus! We went in a black Mercedes, although I don't know what type, I'm a bit dumb when it comes to cars) the mansion was lit up in the dark night sky, we arrived at around 9.30pm and I had never seen anything more beautiful in my life, I'm glad I went for a simple look for this event. 

I was taught how to dance in a long formal dress, I was taught about classical music, as to which I now can't stop listening to (Pachelbel's Canon in D Major is definitely one of my favourites now!), I was taught all about the cutlery, how to eat properly, and a whole host of other things. And the best part was, the fact we had a very rich entrepreneur and his utterly gorgeous wife on our table, they helped me and spoke to me as if I were one of them. They even told me I'd be perfect to have a rich husband... still hope for me yet!

I kept my make-up super simple, and even opted to wear no eyeliner to try and be as natural as possible. I used 2 concealers, a tinted moisturiser, Collection Foundation for my face along with the Bourjois Rose D'Or blush. I stuck to a soft champagne and soft pink for my eye shadows to reminiscence elegance but to also just make my eyes pop a little, I used a light brown in the crease, and slightly blended out towards the outer eye for a small smoky effect. I just used a simple gold lip gloss on my lips. And I just used my Rimmel Scandaleyes mascara on my lashes. I wore tear-drop earrings, starting with pale blue crystals and the last pendant was black which then flowed perfectly into my dress with the blue responding to my blue eyes. For my hair I went for a back combed side bun, very elegant and very easy to do. This whole look was achieved in under an hour, all by me. Not bad if I say so myself!

I got a new job!
Remember I got really fed up with my old job, which had rubbish pay (and by rubbish I mean below minimum wage). I worked about 39/40 hours a week, despite my contract which they breached and my wage per annum was about £9,500 just below. However, now I have a new job at a place I'm really excited about working at! My wage after tax is about £13,800 pa - which is a HUGE increase!
I do have to become a real financial bore now though, seeing as I need to start saving for a deposit to move out, I need to start a pension fund for when I'm older etc. So, things are getting real, I'm finally an adult. I'm not really THAT excited about it, but we all have to grow up... I guess.

The Blog
Yes I finally gave the blog another make-over... I might even stay with this one... who knows! I hope you like it! I've gone for the white. black and red approach. I don't know why, the pink just bored me a bit I guess!

A-Level Results
So I got my English Language A-Level result in August. I wasn't hugely pleased with it, but I was never an exam person anyway, I did do really well in half the exam though and got an unexpected high score in it but the other seemed to be less great. Despite my slight (expected) disappointment - I've decided I still want to carry on writing and doing reviews and stuff like that! So I thought of also encorporating articles into this blog as well as more reviews, like film, books, and other things like CD's which may take of interest too. Let me know if that is something you'd be interested in, or anything you want me to do!

Well I think that's it, I'm doing a picture post of my holdiay soon and now planning posts to put up for you guys!!

Emma Victoria

xoxox

July in a Nutshell...

This is my last saturday post until October when I return from my break. I thought I'd just do a little picture post, just to sum July up really.

1. Beautiful Summer Walks with my dogs, Alice on her way up the forest in the car.
2. I made cupcakes for the first time in a long time
3. My best friend surprised me for my 19th Birthday.
4. Went to speedway and reunited with my friend after a huge argument which lasted months.
5. Inventing new cocktails for my birthday.
6. Enjoying a cosmopolitan cocktail when my parents went away.
7. Made my own birthday cake in white and pink polka dots.
8. Finding my dogs in strange places to keep cool in the hot weather.
9. Seeing my friend who I've not seen in over a year.

1. Modelling at Barnham Studio
2. OOTW of my new favourite dress
3. My facebook page hit over 400 likes
4. Shopping for new dresses in the sale.
5. Modelling at Barnham Studio (love this image!)
6. Modelling at Barnham Studio (Classy Bird!)
7. Going to speedway for the first time in over a year... I faced a fear.
8. Celebration Day at my brothers school.
9. Shopping and spending most of my month in Brighton... My favourite place.

After today's post I have Wednesday's OOTW which is my last post until October, I will still be checking my emails about once a week/once every 2 weeks and also on my Facebook page where I will still be posting probably on a daily basis/or as much as I can so I am still accessible to you guys!

Lots of Love

Emma Victoria

xoxoxoxox

Being a "Plus Size"...

This has been bugging me for a little while now... 

Yes I'm plus size.

and Yes... Men are attracted to me!!!!!!!

Honestly, the amount of times people put me down for my size and not being a size 10 doesn't bother me but what does bother me is when they think men won't be attracted to me because I'm a bigger girl.

I've battled with my weight for many years now - and only since I've started modelling have I started to learn to accept it. And since accepting it, my confidence has grown by 1000%!

But (there's always a but isn't there...) everytime I hear other people say "She's pretty but if she lost 'this much' weight then she'd get a man no problem" - I DO NOT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT TO FIND A MAN.

Honestly, my love life isn't exactly the worst - yes I may well be single right now, but I've started dating again and seeing people! People also seem to think that I won't be able to "pull" an attractive guy because I'm not that slim... WRONG. You can't say all guys have the same taste for women, as the same for women with men and women and women and men and men and so on - you just can't!

Since dressing in this style, I get littered with compliments all the time but the most common one has to be "How do you get the confidence to wear these sort of clothes?" I didn't and sometimes I still get a bit worried if I'm pushing the boundaries too far for my figure... But why should it matter how I dress to the rest of the world! 

I know this is a kind of ranty post, but I just want people to understand that I am a human being just like everyone else, and I do sometimes get a little hurt by rude comments, whether you mean them or not. 

Another little note I'd like to add, as I still find many people at my college and sometimes even my friends think that looks are the thing that attracts you to a person - they are only a small factor, obviously you have to like the way a person looks in your eyes (not everyone is Marilyn Monroe y'know) but personality is also attractive. 


Lots of Love

Emma Victoria

xoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoox

What is it like to be a Rockabilly Girl/Pin-up Girl!

This is one question that is frequently asked to me by a lot of people for a lot of different reasons. I dress in this style nearly 90% of the time I walk out the house - if I'm not in my gear then I'm either popping out for 2 seconds, going to work or I'm not really feeling well. Now even if I'm not feeling too great I try and dress normally with the mind set of "look good, feel good" - but dressing in this style doesn't just come over night. It takes time and practice to look this way.

Lets say I need to leave at 8.15 to go to college... I have to get up at about 7am to make sure I'm ready in time. I normally plan my outfit the night before just to save a little time. If I decide to curl my hair in the morning I normally get up at 6 instead, I then spend a good 10-15 minutes doing my make-up, then about 5 minutes doing my hair. After that I slowly get dressed making sure I don't mess up my hair or make-up. Then its making sure I have my bag ready, then its finding my sunglasses, finding my heels, getting my coat, and making sure it's all still looking neat and perfect before walking out the door. 


I also do a bit of modelling alongside college and work - I'm still working with amateur photographers but working with a few more professionals at some point too. Again, I do spend ages looking good for the camera as well, as you can't be looking like a mess when going for a photo shoot.

Another problem I often face is dreaded spots, like every other human. I often get told my skin is flawless and perfect... The wonders of make-up is all I will say. My skin isn't as bad as it used to be back about 4 years ago, but even now I go through a vigorous routine to keep my skin near perfect. This can be laborious doing this twice a day but in a way its worth it. 

Another kind of issue I get addressed with a lot is people either stopping/staring at you in the street and people always kind of making a comment. People seem to kind of think I don't know I look different in my style or that I'm oblivious to the world. I mean I'm not saying anyone is nasty, but they always make a comment. I know for a fact that the people at my college seem to have an issue with the way I dress, and frankly it doesn't bother me, it's none of their business the way I dress myself. As I said I do often get stopped in the street for people commenting on my outfit saying I look gorgeous, glamorous, beautiful etc, yes this does give me confidence and that is what encourages me to dress in this style. People respect me and appreciate the way I dress - for the first time in my 18 years I've kind of felt that people like me for the way I've styled myself. On the odd occasion people even stop me to have a photo with me in the street - now that to me is something I never thought would happen! The other week when I dressed like Marilyn Monroe, I had a crowd around me to have a picture with me - THAT'S INSANE! 

There is one thing that annoys me though - its when guys think I dress in this way to please them. No, get off your high horse. I dress in this way because I WANT TO; not to satisfy you or anyone else. This is the one thing that does wind me up. Yes I have cleavage, yes I have red lips, yes I'm wearing heels but its not just for your eyes! 

Dressing in this style takes time, patience and of course money. Each month I treat myself to a new item of clothing or outfit to add to my collection. I've built my whole collection up from scratch since about February 2013 - and theoretically I've not been doing this for that long but I already have a huge amount of stuff. This style is all about bringing out your confidence, being unique and loving the style.

I know quite a few people who dress in this style and aren't necessarily into the music. Some people have said that these people aren't "true" rockabillies - who says they aren't?! I personally love the music and the style and do wish in some respect that I lived in the 50's - because life seemed to be that little more simpler then. Men were chivalrous to women and women respected men and were lady like. (Personal opinion) and I just kind of miss having a decent guy.

Being a rockabilly isn't necessarily being like Danny and Sandy from Grease, that's only one part of the scene. Fashion, music and lifestyle are a huge part of the scene too. And that's what I love so much about this scene, its so unique! 
If you want to ask any more questions about my experience of being a rockabilly/pin-up girl then please feel free, I love to answer your questions!

Much Love

Emma Victoria

xoxoxox

The Furry Friend Tag!

Before I start today's post, I thought I'd just say about the new blog look! On Thursday, I decided I had finally had enough of the blue background and the header girl, that I just changed it all! The blog posts writing is now lilac, the writing over the blog is bright pink, the background is white, and the header girl is even more like me (with the love of polka dots!)... Hope you like the new look!

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The moment I saw Stephanie from Stephanie Maverick tagged me in this... I HAD to do it! (Make sure you check out her post about her cute cat Lilly!). I'm going to tag EVERYONE OF YOU! Yup, every person that reads this, I tag you to do this! Or leave in the comments below something about your beloved pet!

1. What is his/her name?

I have 2 dogs, my eldest is Freddie who is 6 and my young puppy Alice who is 20 months old. Both are my babies as I do the majority of stuff for them apart from walking which my dad helps with, SOO I'm doing both my bubs!

2. When did you get Freddie & Alice?

I got Freddie as a puppy from a local breeding farm in 2008 (he was born December 2007), Freddie came home to us at 8 weeks old as a puppy.

I got Alice last September from a rescue centre called Labrador Rescue, Alice is originally from Ireland, but her home is now here in Sussex! 

3.What is something Freddie & Alice do that annoys you?

It HAS to be the constant barking at completely nothing... Both dogs are guilty. They will just bark, bark, bark, bark and bark for no reason what so ever!!!!

4. What type of breed are Freddie & Alice?

Freddie is a high pedigree Labrador and Alice is a 2nd generation Labradoodle which is a Labrador and a Poodle.

5. Has Freddie or Alice ever had a near death experience?

When Freddie was 12 weeks old, we found a large lump on the top of his head which was a tumour, the vets removed it and told us that if the tumour had grown about 1/4 of an inch longer Freddie would've died. 

Alice is just a doppy dog, so she has little injuries all the time but never anything serious (and hopefully not!)

6. Does Freddie or Alice know any tricks?

If you say cheese to Freddie he normally pulls this particular face and pose to try and get the cheese of the counter. 

Alice on the other hand has skills of being able to balance on 2 legs for about 2 minute periods, we never force her to do it, she just does it. Its something we actually want her to stop, but we reckon it could've been something encouraged from her previous home.

7. Does Freddie & Alice like to snuggle?

Freddie is a grumpy old dog now, so he's content just sleeping and doesn't really like people fussing over him when he sleeps. He just uses you as a pillow instead and drools all over you.

Alice just constantly wants to cuddle and snuggle up to you when she's not wanting to play with her ball. Only the other day was she cradled up in my lap (yes on my lap) and was cuddling my arm!

8. Where did you get Freddie & Alice?

As said above Freddie came from a local breeding farm... the place was absolutely immaculate, you wouldn't even believe it was a working farm which had horses and at least 4 dogs and many other animals!

Again as said above, Alice originally came from Ireland, but we rescued her from Labrador Rescue.

9. Do Freddie & Alice get along with other dogs?

Freddie loves other dogs, he likes to play with them all the time on his walks! He's just the overly friendly Labrador!

Alice is a little anxious about other dogs, mainly because she's never really been that socialised with them, so doesn't know how to greet properly. Which she is now being trained to do!

10. Does Freddie & Alice get along with strangers?

Freddie just loves to say hi to everyone, you'd think if he had the choice he'd go home with everyone except us.

Alice has a lot of trust issues with people, so will often bark at strangers on our walks, whether they have a dog or not. Its mainly because she just doesn't know if they okay or not, as often as possible I try and get the person to greet her and come down to her level just so she starts to feel secure.

11. How much does Freddie & Alice weigh?

Freddie has lost weight since he last went to Vets, he did weigh 37.2kg, which wasn't actually fat for him, its mainly cause he has a very big build like his father (yes Freddie's dad is still alive and I see the owners walk him all the time!). Freddie has a vets appointment soon so I'm hoping he would've got down to at least around 34kg.

Alice weighs 24.5kg, she still has a little bit of weight to put on as she is very bony. Which isn't just the poodle in her. She is on about 2 cups of food a day plus peanut butter regularly to fatten her up a bit!

12. Do you ever dress Freddie & Alice up?

Freddie only really has his collar on, he doesn't like stuff on him. Not even shampoo!

Alice has little bows that go in her fur, but I don't force her to wear them. She knows how to take them out herself so if she doesn't want them on she can take them off!

13. Has Freddie or Alice ever tried to runaway?

Freddie has escaped a few times into my neighbours garden, but he's just too scared to runaway so normally barks for someone to go and fetch him!

Alice has never had the chance, she always has to look at people to reassure herself that its okay to go outside (that's another phobia she has, and its a pain when you want her to go outside and play!).

14. How did you come up with Freddie's and Alice's names?

Freddie's full name is "Fredrik Labwrens Thunder" and my surname. We all kind of liked the name Freddie so it just kind of stuck! We made a final decision when we went to see the last 2 pups they had for sale (they had a litter of 8, 6 girls 2 boys, and the only 2 left were boys) if we got the other dog it would've been Oliver or Charlie!

Alice already came with her name, but she didn't have any middle name at all, we like to make her feel inclusive as she is the baby of the family so Alice is now called "Alice Rose" with my surname!

15. How much do these animals mean to you on a scale of 1-10?

1,000,000,000,000... My love for my babies is indescribable. I love them so much, I'd do anything for them. They have their arguments between each other, and yes I have to tell them off when they fight sometimes, but I love them so much like I still love all my other pets that are no longer with me.

My Private Secondary School Hell

Okay, so on Monday my friend Steff (check out her post and give her some well deserved love!) she posted her hellish story of secondary school - and I have so much respect and credit for her and for getting the guts to share her story; so much so, I thought I'd share mine with you. 

I started at a private secondary school in September 2006, I previously joined the junior school back in 2004 and then moved up to the secondary part of the whole school. I was fine in junior school, until around the end of year 6, just before moving up to secondary. I started off okay in secondary school, but I knew my experience wouldn't be plain sailing, and I was totally right.

I began to realise throughout year 7 that I definitely was not the most liked person in my year, probably safe to say I was in the top 5 of the most hated in my year. I felt pretty alone a lot of the time; I didn't fit in, and I felt hated. I even forced myself to be physically sick just so I didn't have to go in; this was a common occurrence throughout my whole time at school.

In late May 2007, I broke both of my arms, I fell after athletics and snapped both of my wrists. I had one arm in plaster cast and the other in a metal splint, I was in a lot of pain, I couldn't even feed myself without having someone to help me. And guess what the people in my year thought? That I was pretending that I broke my arms, like it was a joke. I couldn't carry my ruck sack round school, and a so-called friend was mean't to help me. I ended up having to carry my bag on my foot, while painfully holding it there with one of my fingers on the arm that was not as badly broken. This is when I realised, I just wanted to die. I became very depressed and upset, most mornings before leaving the car I would cry and beg not to go in. 

In year 8, things got worse. I had to get braces for my teeth - now lets just have a moment to imagine. I was the fat girl, who had glasses and spots and now I had braces. Things just got worse and worse. I was bullied throughout my whole time of being at secondary school. I even had a period where I wanted to kill myself, because I hated everything about my life and being at that school. At the end of every school day my friend would call me, and I could confide in him. He would comfort me and tell me I'd be out of that school and I'd prove them all wrong - I never believed him until I left school (in year 11) that it would really happen. But even for him being there for me, it still didn't make school any easier.

Midway through year 9, a girl came into my biology class, I always sat on my own so my teacher sat her next to me. And now to this day, we are really close friends. She was one of the few people who made school a little bit more bearable. Also at the beginning of year 9, another girl came into our year. She kind of got the same treatment as me - so I befriended her. None of us where liked that much, and in fact, people would often be bitchy about us behind our backs 99% of the time but we learn't not to care. 

This is when my friend Steff started hanging out a lot more, she started getting a bit of a tough time - so she joined us. (Read her post to find out why). 

The last 2 years where when I started to work hard, but still had a lot of issues. I had a lot of problems with my Art GCSE teachers - they lost my work. TWICE. This angered me so much, I'd worked so hard and they lost it. I had to give up my lunch times to re-do my work. I never got on with them, and me and one of the teachers would often have arguments nearly every lesson. Oh god she was a bitch.

My tutor who was also my drama teacher, she hated my guts. And the feeling was mutual. I genuinely hated my GCSE years the most. There was only one teacher I felt I could really trust in year 10, and that was my English teacher. She did annoy me, frankly quite a lot. But one day, I got so angry in my English class at this boy who was a complete prick. At the end of the lesson, most teachers would tell you off for storming out mid lesson. But she talked to me, like a human being, not like an idiot like the rest of my teachers often did. She made me feel like I could talk to someone. It was at this point, I did finally go to the doctor... I was diagnosed with a form of severe depression. 

I often had run ins with my teachers. My head of year and me never got on either. She always said to me I had to try and work 'harder'... I was pushing myself to the point of destruction to get my work done. But that never really mattered. In year 11, I got a new physics teacher - he was probably the nicest teacher in the world. He made me LOVE going to physics, I loved Thursday afternoons in year 11, because he was the only other teacher apart from my English teacher who I felt I could talk to. 

My school strived for being a non-bullying school, and frankly they were the opposite. If someone was to ask me to recommend a good school, I wouldn't even hesitate to tell them to avoid it. 

The day I left that school after my last exam - I felt amazing. On results day, I had to go to work, so I turned up in my work kit (which was for a football club). I was as nervous as hell, but somehow I managed to get 4 B's and 4 C's (how the hell did that happen!!).

I went back in November 2011, 5 months after I had left. The people who I didn't get on with, acted nice. I'm sure they were just being nosy as to what I was doing after I left. I went back to collect my final art pieces and guess what... THEY LOST THEM AGAIN. Again, I had another argument with my teachers. But I saw my physics teacher just before I was about to leave, and he gave me a hug and wished me the best of luck now I had left. I won't ever forget that moment, that someone believed in me. The first time, someone really had believed in me at that school was the last time I stepped foot there.

So what about now? Now I wish I could see them all again, and stick it to them. All the people that bullied me, or were nasty to me. Dressing in the way I do, has made me such a confident person compared to secondary school Emma. I now do modelling... If someone had said to me back in year 8, that I would be doing modelling, I would have laughed at the idea of it. 

I want to thank the three people who really got me through that school. I can't thank them enough for even just being there.

Love

Emma Victoria

xoxoxoxox

YouTube - HELP! Moral Dilemma/Life Decisions Video

I'm hoping to post a little more on my YouTube now, I don't really have much spare time but I am trying! Today's video is about me needing a bit of your help! I'm in a moral dilemma!!

Please help me guys!

Love

Emma

xoxoxox

New Years Resolution

As I said yesterday, this year I really want to make my life just a little more cherpy and cheerful. 2013 was just as horrendous as 2012, 2011 and 2010. I've finally decided I don't want my private life making my life feel so sad and emotional. I really want to be that person who is always happy and doesn't let any little thing get them down, not the person who has a smile on their face so everyone thinks they are okay.

Overall in my private life, relationships and such - 2012 and 2013 really were awful. I'm pretty much done with relationships and love for a while yet. I'm going to focus on the things that make me happy in life. My blogging, my fashion and now making lots of new things with my Sewing machine. Getting a sewing machine for Christmas really has made me decide I want to start making my own clothes - its a new lease of life. It could even turn into a business one day (wouldn't that be fantastic!). 

I never usually have a motto but this year that's going to change alongside other things but here is my new motto...

"Happy clothes, makes a happy me - who can be sad when wearing happy beautiful clothes!"

I will stick to this! Sure, I will have a few moments, but now I won't have as many - I want to feel fantastic in myself, without people's criticism hurting me. I'm going to focus on blogging and modelling and being my typical ditsy self - but most of all I'm going to focus on being happy! 
I've also adjusted my blogging schedule to try and fit round my new lifestyle routine with going down the gym and that. Two posts will go up each week

Wednesday will remain as OOTW'S
Saturday's will be a post about any topic!

So what's your new years resolution? Do you believe in them? Write in the comments below to tell me!

Billions of Love

Emma Victoria

xoxoxox

OOTW: New Year, New Me

First OOTW and post of 2014! Scary how quick 2014 has come around... its a little daunting to be quite honest with you. I thought I'd show you a dress I got in the end of summer sale at Rockabilly Pinup, it's another beautiful Hell Bunny dress and I absolutely love it! The meaning behind the title is that, yes ironic as it seems, I'm changing a little, to make myself happier; nobody else but myself. I've felt this past year my emotions and private life have really taken over and ruined the rest of my life, by making me sad and upset. Check out tomorrow's 'New Year Resolution' post for my new motto!

Hell Bunny Bobbi Lee Dress, Rockabilly Pinup - £38.99 (last in stock sale normally £44.99) (Can also buy here)

White Cardigan, Next - £8 (End of Summer Sale)

Cream Waist Belt, New Look - £5

Shiny Jewelled Heels, New Look - £5 (sale)

Pink Butterfly Clip, Beauxoxo - £6

For my hair I decided to do victory rolls - yes! I am really trying my absolute hardest at trying to face my fear of doing these. I'm never any good with fiddly hair styles but I'm slowly getting the hang of it! My makeup is pretty simple as always, black eyeliner with red and gold eyeshadow blended together along with my winter red lipstick from Rimmel in shade 107.

Happy New Year!

Lots of Love

Emma Victoria

xoxox

Blogmas Day 22: Last Minute Stocking Fillers!

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Are you still stuck on filling them stockings, or maybe just need a small little gift for someone? I thought I'd make it super simple and pick one shop, so I picked Boots as they always have something for someone!

Gifts for Her

1. Toni and Guy Mini Gift Set - £10 

2. Vintage Collection Hanging Ornament Hearts - £6






Gifts For Him

3. Ted Baker Four The Road Set - £16

4. Soap and Glory Male Gift Set - £12
(Perfect for your vintage man!)






Gifts for Girls

5. Pretty Patisserie Parisian Pamper Set - £12

6. Minnie Bath Fizz Trio - £6 
(I bought this for my god daughter as she adores Minnie Mouse and these smell divine!)





Gifts for Boys

7. Connect Four Game - £9.99

8. Satzuma Camera Lens Cup - £12








Christmas is soon!!

Lots of Love

Emma Victoria

xoxox

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100 Little Things Part 2!

Lets start where we finished off last time on part 1 to this post (Make sure you read it before you read the first 50 facts about me!)

51. My butt and boobs are probably the hardest things to buy for ever.
52. Even though I model my self confidence is still only 5% - but its always growing!
53. My body confidence post was the first time I wore a swimsuit in 3 years.
54. I have pasta about 5 times a week, whether I do it for my lunch or dinner.
55. I always leave my washing in a huge pile in my room and just do it all in one big blitz.
56. I still read the texts which my ex sent me saying how much he admired me - and still to this day I feel my heart just hurt a little.
57. My camera's seem to magically just break or lose battery extremely fast before my eyes.
58. I'm probably the worst person in the world at editing YouTube videos.
59. I still need to do my Rockabilly look book that I promised my friend I'd do 5 months ago (I will do it, I know I will!)
60. I've only just figured out how to do scheduled posts on here (technology fail).
61. I still get nervous when I go on an aeroplane.
62. I really want to go to Lapland.
63. I want to meet a Reindeer!
64. My mum keeps telling me I should take up doing make-up but I'm really not that good.
65. I have watched the Gavin and Stacey box set around 100 times - that is no word of a lie.
66. My favourite film to watch at Christmas has to be Robbie the Reindeer - I'm pretty damn obsessed with that DVD.
67. My most embarrassing moment has to be when mum and me were shopping in Lidl and we got told we cant pay by credit card - neither of us had our debit cards on us (in our defence on their website it says all stores take Mastercard and Visa credit cards so it isn't really our fault as we did check).
68. I get really nervous when posting a YouTube video - I don't really know why.
69. I haven't done a driving lesson since the last week of June.
70. I have already bought all my Christmas presents for 2013 and already starting to wrap them!
71. I go on a strict detox 2 days before a gig and on the gig day to make sure my voice and body are in perfect condition when I go on stage.
72. The biggest crowd I have ever sang in front of is 300 people - and I was really scared.
73. My ex was the one who encouraged me to start singing some of my own songs - even though he never actually read any of them.
74. Only 3 people have ever looked at my song/poem book.
75. I am finally getting back into waist training with a corset after an 8 month break.
76.  I'm really scared about doing my driving test.
77. My favourite drink I buy in the shops is the Drench Cranberry and Raspberry drink.
78. I like my coffee really strong with 2 sugars and a small dash of milk.
79. I always get my Christmas stuff down on 1st November and do my Christmas tree. I have a fake tree for my bedroom but we get a real tree for downstairs in the living in December.
80. I have a bad obsession with penguins.
81. I really don't like having to study video games in Media - they bore me to complete death.
82. I wish I never gave up photography A2 - but I really wanted to focus more on English as I'm really passionate about English.
83. I'm specialised in working with children with severe disabilities and I specialise in children with Cerebral Palsy and quadriplegia.
84. I can never work when I know my brother is in hospital - don't even try to cheer me up as it won't work.
85. I never thought I would get to 40 followers on my blog - let alone 5!
86. I'm really struggling to think of more facts about me....
87. I really love Blackcurrant and Raspberry Jelly.
88. I really love rugby - I support England, Leicester Tigers and my birth team Harlequins.
89. I really want to move to Brighton when I'm older/can afford to. I really love it there.
90. I'm really loving the plum and berry colours for winter this year.
91. I want to buy a new camera.
92. I have a bad habit of constantly changing my mind on my hairstyle.
93. I want wavy hair - my hair is so boring and stubborn when it comes to styling.
94. I can't stand the majority of the people in my village. They are all them 'eco' freak sort of people.
95. I currently have 15 candles lit in my bedroom which all smell of Strawberry & Pomegranate.
96. I change my bedlinen every week.
97. I built all the furniture in my room apart from my bed.
98. I really need to re-new my gym membership.
99. I'm going to stay up to watch the Ashes in Australia on tele - because I love Stuart Broad.
100. Even though I'm still battling with my health and depression I've become a much happier person in the last year after leaving the 2 boys who said they admired me to the end of the world and back. I'm finally back on my feet, slowly and steadily, but even with my trust issues still in place I'm meeting some nice lads who are proving to me there are still some nice lads around!

Well that's it! If you have any blog suggestions then make sure you comment! Don't forget to join my blog via GFC on the right hand side - at 50 followers I'll be holding a giveaway!

Love from

Emma Victoria

xoxoxo

What's Going On In Life?

I always ask myself, "what's really going on?" - so much has happened in these past 2-3 month's with my relationships, work, college, friend's and pretty much everything! I thought I'd do a little life post again, as I feel it's been a while since we've had one. I know I usually do OOTW's on a Wednesday  but today I'm just really not feeling inspired, plus I'm in pain, so I came to the conclusion I'd just do this instead! I don't want to mope and groan, but sometimes its better to just get it all out your system in one go... right?

So where do I start? Okay lets start with probably the most horrendous and hardest part to just get it out of the way... WARNING - here comes the emotional bit.
Relationships and me just aren't really mean't to be. Who remember's the whole relationship/friendship (read these posts to kind of get the hang of it all: one, two & three). Well it's all this pa lava that's getting to me - I mean don't get me wrong, I'm completely over him and how he treated me with the lying and going behind my back the whole time but I just feel so lonely at the moment, like I don't have anyone to just give me a cuddle when I just need it. I wish that my little heart could be fixed, and that I didn't have trust issues now. My friends are being absolute stars and helping me through it all, but I just don't think I can get over these issues of trusting someone with my heart again. Have any of you got any suggestions on what to do? 
Health well lets say I've not been a lucky bunny with health this past year, no matter what I seem to do, it is always jeopardised by my sporadic health. Lets start with September last year, I had a major chest infection, which me being me, decided I'd be fine, until the point I started coughing so much and then I threw up. Only to go to the doctors and find out I had pneumonia - good one Emma. It took me around 9 weeks to recover, in and out of hospital alongside several medications and an inhaler I'm still on now. After leaving college I felt fine, until I then got another cold, which went straight to my chest, again on medication for 5 weeks, I got better. I had a fair amount of time being perfectly well and feeling healthy, until I broke 2 toes, not even a week after my 18th Birthday. I don't even have

the excuse of being drunk - I was messing around with my friend, he pushed me a little too hard and I whacked my foot against the solid corner part of the sofa. Smooth. And on the 5th August I fell down the stairs, and now it's come back to bite me. 3 weeks ago, I started having majorly painful problems with my spine/back. So after 4 appointments at the doctors, I finally had a spinal x-ray at the hospital last Thursday, and have to wait a week for the results. 

College is driving me mad. Don't get me wrong, I love studying, but because of all the problems with my spine I'm missing lessons, and it's annoying me cause I just want things to get back to normal. I've had the day off yesterday because of the amount of pain I was in and having several spasms in my back in the morning alone.

So what's happening in your lives that you just wish would get better so you can live your life like normal?

However, I've bought lots of little bits for Halloween this year, and I've started my Christmas shopping! This weekend I'm getting the Halloween decorations down and the Christmas decorations - SO EXCITED! Which brings me to - Christmas posts!! Is there anything you would like to see in my Christmas posts?! 

Lots of Love

Emma Victoria

xoxo

P.S Friday I will be posting a little Pumpkin carving post - even though I won't be carving my pumpkins till next Wednesday (which I will also blog about too!)

100 Little Things Part 1!

I was tagged to do this lovely post by my friend of many years Steff from Stephanie Maverick (go check her blog out, its awesome!!). Basically, you can find out 100 facts about me - good and bad! Decided it will be best to maybe do this in 2 parts, seeing as it will be quite lengthy otherwise. So today will be the first 50 facts!!

1. I've always been naturally blonde - and I absolutely hate the attention I get from my hair... Every single day.

2. I'm really getting into Psychobilly at the moment. 

3.  I can't stop listening to Teenage Zombie by the Sugar Daddy's right now.

4. Every time I hear the "Time Warp" song, I burst into dance and song - it doesn't matter where it is, I will do it.

5.  I used to suffer really badly with depression right up until March this year - I'm still recovering now, but a huge improvement from 4 years ago.

6. I'm way too nice and forgiving for my own good a lot of the time.

7. I have a major woman crush on Elly Mayday, Imelda May and Bernie Dexter - not afraid to say it.

8.  When £200 goes into my account - its normally spent with 48 hours of it going in.

9. I probably have way too many clothes, but I can't face to throw them out.

10. My favourite lipstick at the moment is probably still my Estee Lauder one from the 1980's.
11. I have 14 red lipsticks. I'm obsessed.
12. I love my dogs too the end of the world and back and I'd do anything for them.
13. When I move out and have my own flat I will get a British Bulldog named Winston. 
14. I'm forever dreaming to one day go in a Hudson Hornet - this will complete my life.
15. I have loads of tattoo's planned to get, but I'm too broke to afford them right now. Food is slightly more important I think...
16. I've been modelling for just little over a year now.
17. I'm slightly obsessed with the TV shows Republic of Doyle and Castle.
18. Pretty sure my old drama teacher had a vendetta against me... FOR EVERYTHING.
19. When I act posh to my dogs I always call them Frederick and Alison.
20. One day I would love to fall in love with a gentlemen who isn't so obsessed with sex all the time and will love me for who I am. 
21. I love it when guys hold the door open for me.
22. I've never been clubbing.
23. My favourite alcoholic drink is a toss up between Pepsi and a double Malibu or Cranberry Juice and a Double Malibu. 
24. I haven't been on a date in nearly 1 year and 8 months.
25. My last crush used me, lied to me, and broke my heart - and I found that all out by reading his blog post.
26. I underestimate actually how good I am at cooking.
27. It takes me 30 minutes each day to groom Alice's fur and 5 minutes for Freddie's fur. 
28. I already know what I want my wedding dress to look like.
29. I've already started Christmas shopping and making personal gifts for my nearest and dearest.
30. My biggest fear is clowns - I virtually have a panic attack every time I see one. Last year at the London Tombs + a clown = extremely scared Emma.
31. I absolutely love to play conkers.
32. My favourite film is probably the Corpse Bride.
33. I'm obsessed with Gingerbread Biscuits - they will go in a matter of minutes if you leave me alone with them.
34. I have a serious problem with the shop Collectif - if I could afford to buy their whole shop, I probably would.
35. I've already started planning my Christmas decorations... That reminds me, I need new lights!
36. I already know what I want my life to be when I'm older. I know you shouldn't plan ahead, but dreaming is no harm. I want 3 children and a gentlemen husband.
37. I do want a career, but sometimes I just want to settle down. I know that sounds silly, but I'm very old-fashioned to be quite honest.
38. I seem to be very accident prone. Already been to the minor injuries unit 3 times this year, and the doctors... well I lost count how many times with the doctors.
39. I want to be the perfect wife when I'm older.
40. I'm looking for a new, less stressful, less hours job. Still no luck...
41. My college isn't exactly Oxford or Cambridge, but the teachers are okay - I guess.
42. I really want to go back to Finland or Sweden.
43. I love baking cakes and cupcakes and biscuits and.... Okay I just love baking.
44. My body confidence post is the most viewed post on my blog - good going if I say so myself!
45. I love slippers.
46. I'm more of a dog person then a cat person.
47. If there is a coupon or a really good offer in the shop - I will stock up.
48. Chocolate is my best friend when I feel really upset.
49. When I'm older I want an Autumn wedding - the beautiful colours of the leafs just amaze me.
50. My favourite dish to cook is a 'spanish' style chicken - chicken thighs, chorizo, peppers, mushrooms, tomatoes and spices!

I will post the next 50 facts about me next Sunday! I hope you find out something out about me that you didn't already know! If you feel like doing this post then make sure you leave a link in the comments cause I'd love to have a read! I'm also going to tag Bella Ella from BellaEllaLife cause I'd love to know more about her!

I'm only 10 followers away from 50 - make sure you follow so the giveaway can be released! 

Much Love

Emma Victoria

xoxox